Thankful for Lesson (Re)Learned This Thanksgiving

So, I am sort of kicking myself and sort of patting myself on the back. After not expressing my feelings to the STBX husband/narc for a couple of months (despite having to exchange our child for visits 3x a week), I wrote an email to him over the holiday. What prompted me were 3 things: 1) I was already feeling shitty about the approaching holiday and not spending it with him, his family, our family, etc.; 2) I was feeling really agitated and anxious about the fact that I had not told him how angry/embarrassed/ashamed/hurt I have been due to his behavior toward me after we separated; and 3) He wanted to modify a visit with our child so that he could take her to work with him because he picked up an extra shift on one of his visitation days, and then have me pick her up at the record store in the main area of town where he works some evenings. After I suggested in a text hat he could have a earlier and longer visit with her before he had to work, he then drew her into it when he was talking to her on the phone and told her she would be visiting him at work. I was pissed that he would involve her in that (she just turned 3) and I was angry about all his other shitty narcness in general lately. So I wrote an email and weighed the pros/cons of sending it. Obviously, for me the pros of getting all of that stuff off my chest at the time outweighed the possibility that he would lash out, ignore me, use it as fuel for his narcness, etc.
Contained in the email was an explanation that I was not comfortable going into town to pick up our daughter and pretending like we are the happily divorcing couple. I know he has told anyone who will listen that this was a mutual decision and that we are friends now, but that's just not the truth. And, the times when I have had to set things straight with people who I have come into contact with have been really uncomfortable and painful for me. I have been avoiding going to that part of town because I know I will run into mutual friends/acquaintances and they have been told his version, but not my version. I really don't care to expend any more energy on setting the record straight; its already been done with those nearest and dearest to me.
Also contained in the email was my expression of how I painful the approaching holidays were going to be and the myriad of losses that I have experienced as a result of our impending divorce. Silly me to expect an ounce of human decency and empathy from this person who also is going through the divorce.
In addition, I said a couple of things about how nice his girlfriend (the OW) has been to me and our child, and I was not going to focus on her or blame her for the issues, but him pretending to be a happy family with her and our daughter wasn't helping the situation any. He continues to bring the OW to my house to pick up our child for his visits; facetime/call our daughter with the OW present and participating in the conversation; take the OW to his family's home even though they have expressed their own feelings of loss and disapproval of his relationship with her; take the OW to play dates with mutual friends and fail to tell them that he would be bringing her; the list goes on. I could go on about that, but I will stop there. She's clearly being used. He may be treating her nicely now, but the beast will come out soon enough if it already has not.
Lastly, I reiterated that despite his efforts to convince the world that all of this is okay, it is not. For someone who talks about wanting peace and keeping things positive, he sure engages in a lot of passive aggressive and other non-peaceful behaviors. So, no, I was not going to pretend that I have bought his bull shit perspective.
His reply? He basically acknowledging that he read my email and he would go back to the original visitation arrangement. That was it.
Was I surprised? To be honest, yes. Was I pissed? To be honest, yes. Was I hurt? To be honest, yes. Do I regret it? To be honest, yes and no.
We were together 20 years; on and off as a couple for 11 and married 9. My family was his family; his family was my family. Only 3 months of physical separation/4 months since I filed for divorce does not temper that much. Yes, I know from reading and being a member here that the email was likely fuel for his sickness. But putting him aside, I felt like I needed to do something for myself. Now that it is done, I see further what a piece of shit he is. I can look back and say I did it and now it does not need to be done again because I know exactly what kind of response I will get. It was eating away at my insides that I had to sit back and grin and put up with his crap.
At the same time, I am aware of the fact that what I did can be considered a hoover, a relapse, a set back, a hit on the pipe. But, I am using it as a learning experience. Why should I expect him to care about anything I am feeling right now? Why would I think his behavior might change?
I told my therapist and read the letter to her. I told her how upset I am with myself that I cannot get this man out of my head. She reminded me that I have taken care of myself since I was very young and I clearly have the strength to get through this. I am capable of this. I have told myself for 20 years that I cannot be without this man who has never taken care of me, and that's simply not the truth. I spent Thanksgiving with my beautiful (albeit crazy) family and my precious daughter. I survived. We survived. We will continue to survive. I will continue to make better decisions for myself and her.
Any thoughts would be appreciated.