No contact? How long before i earn my chip?

The no contact step is the hardest. I literally cross off days on the calendar as I get through them without texting or responding. It's easier when he tries to contact me because I feel empowered but it isn't long before I see it as an invitation to respond with the upper hand. Within one or two exchanges I'm back to being the underdog and yearning for everything that was a fantasy...a mirage. I block him then unblock him. The silence is deafening. I truly feel like an addict living the AA motto one day at a time. I'm four days sober and it hurts like hell. I just want to hear he's dying without me even if I know it's a lie. My God I need help as badly as he does. This is miserable