Never a full discard?? Give him another chance??

Hi everyone,

I posted a long post with my story quite a while ago. Basically, my ex put me through the most awful few years of my life. He 100% meets all of the DSM criteria for NPD, is a pathological liar (he lied to me about EVERY aspect of his past) and very well may be a sociopath. He gaslights and triangulates like crazy during fights. The only thing that makes me question "diagnosing" him as a narcissist is that he has never fully gone through with any sort of discard phase. After finding solid evidence of him cheating, I kicked him out about a year ago. He has maintained since that point that he wants to get back together and start a new life with me and he is a changed man (he has never confessed to the cheating even though I caught him at a hotel with his ex-girlfriend which has especially pissed me off). He states he had a bad 1 year period because he was stressed over a new job and a new baby in the same year, but he has gotten over those issues and wants to start new again. I asked him what this has to do with him lying about his entire past, but of course he has elaborate stories about why he had to do that.

Meanwhile, I have tried to move on with my life, started dating other people, etc., but he has stayed firm with wanting to stay together and be a family for our son. I'm not aware that he has dated anyone (though he could very well lie about it).. He is very good looking, successful, charming, etc.and he could EASILY move on to new narcissistic supply, but he never seems to leave the hope of having our relationship back. He's always there if I need him. He is an AMAZING father to our son. I can't speak higher about him in this regard. He states that the last year of his life has been worse than anything as he lost his family and he is "changed man." I have not gotten over my issues with him. I can't forgive him for the devalue phase, which seemed to never end. It brought me to the lowest point of my life and I'm unable to get past it. I still have what I consider "flashbacks" where I picture the fights clear as day (he would make me so upset I would be throwing up or my blood pressure would be at deadly levels) About 4 months ago, we did have a 2 month period where we got back together and he was really good for the most part. He came home after work as that was a requirement, he allowed me to track his whereabouts on the GPS on his phone, he took me on a nice vacation, we went to counseling each week and we had some great days as a family. Then there was one day when he went back to controlling and condescending and I freaked out and ended it. It just reminded me too much of the past and I promised myself I would never go back there. To be honest, I was in the wrong over a situation and he had a right to be mad. Then he gave me an ultimatum that I needed to move in with him. I was not ready to move in with him as we were still having issues, so he was upset when I wouldn't and the fights just escalated further. He is mainly mad that I won't commit to him again and he's right in this regard as I haven't been willing to commit to him again after what he initially did to me.

Now, 4 months after we broke up again, he continues to say he is changed and wants to work on things. He wants us to get married, buy a house and have another child. I will note that he is most persistent about wanting to work on things when he knows that I've began dating again, but I think anyone NPD or not would feel this way. I just don't know what to do. He has brought me to such low points in my life that being with him could bring the possibility that I will be there again. For the most part, I don't miss him that much when I'm not with him. I've gone on with my life. meanwhile he wants us to try to work on things.

Am I foolish to consider anything further with this man? Is he just wearing a mask that will come off once I allow myself to fall in love with him again? I'm sure over a long enough period of time, he would revert back to his old ways of cheating and lying about everything and anything. I have more fun with him than anyone during the times we aren't fighting. He's fun to talk to (well listen to him talk I should say), we like to do the same things, have a similar sense of humor, etc. I've gone out on a lot of dates, but for one reason or another no one seems to compare to him. I feel so confused, but also foolish to even consider giving him another shot and wasting more time. Is he just pulling an extensive, long-lasting love bombing/hoover or could he possibly be genuine?

Any help or insight is appreciated!! Thank you!