PTSD...I think?

Hi, this is my first post other than on "share your story". I think i'm probably in step 4 even though i'm new to this forum. Anyway, on Thursday, my ex-N and i settled on a big custody battle/relocation case, and while i did have to give up some things, I got the main things that i wanted...to relocate near family and take the kids with me. Of course, he and his new narc wife claim they'r ecoming too (that remains to be seen)....But, it's finally over. I mean, since we share children, i know it will never REALLY be over, but at least all this BS of him using every single little thing to try to smear me in court is over (for now). But i've mainly been in court with him for a good chunk of the last two years (divorce from March to October last year, new custody battle and battle over him not wanting to pay child support, which the judge laughed at him about, from April to last Thursday). I cognitively know his game, and can see his next "plan" coming for miles away, and yet, being in a legal battle where he was using my children's welfare against me to try to get more money, it was just making me ILL all the time. I had MAJOR anxiety. I've not seen a counselor/psychiatrist yet, honestly, because in the middle of the legal battle i felt like i had no more energy to give to openin up old wounds. Not sure if that sounds ridiculous or not. I HAVE talked about it with some friends who DO get it and i've read a lot. But the anxiety this whole time has been so chronic, that I'd look at my mailbox and my heart would race because legal letters from him came in the mail. Or i'd get a "ding" that i got a text, and I'd shiver, because maybe it's a text from him. And it's always stupid stuff. I'm angry at myself that i let this stuff get to me, because he's a pathetic man-child. I FEEL like since i see his game for what it is now, that should take all the power away. He has yet to actually win at any of his schemes, but he puts me through so much hell trying....

Well anyway, we sttled on Thursday, and the day to day heart racing and butterflies (not in the good way) and shivers because of the next stage of the battle, those have gone away, thankfully...But now I've been having nightmares...EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. and not even about him. I find myself fighting with someone, about something, about things that dont even bother me in real life, and i wake up realizing i've been thrashing around in bed, covers off the bed; i wake up with tight shoulders, HOURS before the sun rises, with a feeling like i have a rock in my stomach, when usually i wake up refreshed and ready to start my day. And i am SO ANGRY. I'm angry because the stress of battling him sent me into such severe adrenal fatigue that i basically had flatlined levels of cortisol for 23 hours of the day which caused a host of severe health problems including heart palpitations, and it threw off my hormones that i was in a perimenopausal state, all because of stress. I'm angry that I feel like ic ould never trust my own judgment to ever be in a relationship again, and he did that to me. BUt most of all i just want to be able to live my life and not be so scared of my own shadow all the time. I'm angry at myself that every little thing makes me jump, and my mind is racing in my sleep and i'm waking up at 4 am in battle mode.

I dont know what to do about it. I'll be moving in the next month or so across country so i dont really want to pay for counseling/therapy with someone i 'll have to leave after seeing them once....but i feel like i need some tools to get over this. I can cognitively see what's going on (i think)...what he's done, how its affected me, etc...but understanding it, while helpful, doesnt really make any of it go away. Any encouragement or help or advice is appreciated.

Oh--and a secondary sort of vent/question: part of the reason this has all been so awful is not only is my ex a narcissist, but the "woman" (i use the term loosely) that he had the affair with and then married, is diagnosed borderline. She's straight up crazy and she's broken up (purposefully and intentionally) two marriages before mine. And she was 19 when she got together with my ex....which means she was likely going after married men when she was a teenager. ANYWAY...she goes places and tells people that she's my children's mother, etc, and she HATES HATES HATES me and wants to make my life a living hell. my ex's main goal is just to make his life easy. He'll seek revenge if it will make his life easy, but his life being easy is really his primary goal. if he gets that, he leaves me alone. She likes REVENGE above all else. I've read about narc-borderline relationships, but really, how long can their relationship last? Honestly i never thought it would last this long. My friend says that up til now they've been in their idea of "love" because they have a common enemy: me. And a "battle" to fight together. But once we move, to a place where i have lots of friends and they know no one, and the legal battle is over, (and i have a special needs daughter who's a lot of work), eventually the honeymoon phase of "them against the world" will be over, and they'll fall apart. That's been my hope all along, because really, as bad as my ex is, she's worse. But....I know no one can predict the future. I just wish i had some way of knowing how much longer i've got to deal with this witch.