New Life's Story

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#1 Oct 10 - 6AM
New Life
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New Life's Story

I met him in 1996. I was 36 and he was 38. I had never been married before and had no children. He was divorced with a young daughter. When I first saw him I didn't think much other than he was a bit attractive. We met in church. There were 2 other single men apart from him and so I realised that this might be as good as it gets. I was flattered that he found me attractive. We kept just saying hello for ages and then in 1997 he asked me to dinner. I was impressed that he seemed to be a serious Christian and so we at least had our faith in common. I ignored these red flags:
1. He didn't have a job
2. He was divorced with a young child
3. He wasn't concerned about finding a job
4. He had threatened to slap a lady on the face (in front of me).
He was studying to be an engineer so I felt that at least he was educated. We got engaged in December 1997 and I was overjoyed. I am not sure if I was simply relieved to finally be getting married at the age of 38. I realised that I didn't find him physically attractive but I accepted that.
A year later we were at a wedding when he reprimanded me for not bringing him a plate of food. I was horrified but played it down in my mind. He did start work - but only after I said that I couldn't marry a man who wasn't working.
His daughter came to live with us when I was 3 months pregnant. This was very stressful as he didn't discuss this with me and so I was forced to accept it. I decided to love her as she was a lovely girl who deserved love. I became more an more unhappy and actually considered suicide. I could see that he was someone that I did not want to be married to but I took my marriage vows seriously.
When I was in labour with our baby, he critiized me for not being able to "suffer for one hour for my own child" when I asked for an epidural. I sent him out of the room and then asked for a top-up. I can remember being in the maternity ward for 5 days and actually dreading going home with my new baby.
He never had a proper job in our 16yrs of marriage. Always temporary jobs which he could never keep. I felt ashamed at our lifestyle and sad when I looked at how my friends' husbands treated them so well. When our son was a baby, he put his hands around my throat and threatened to kill me if I "made trouble for him like his ex-wife had done". I was petrified and flung his hands from my neck, grabbing our baby and running to the living room. I told my family about this incident - but I am ashamed to say that I played it down in my mind. I did leave him for a few weeks when our son was 2yrs old as I couldn't stand the emotional abuse. He promised to change and I returned as I was a full time Mother and had no income. In addition, I didn't want my son to have divorced parents and my stepdaughter to go through it again.

A few years later he pulled a knife on his daughter which I managed to get from him. I then called the police when he was beating her mercilessly. When the police came, he wasn't bothered but he was cautioned by Child Protection. He blamed me for calling the police.
Over the years I grew so used to this lifestyle that I actually convinced myself that I was happy. This was until 2012 when the mask fell from my face and I told myself "enough!" I knew I had to leave him and I was waiting for the right moment. In April 2013 he told me that because of my coldness towards him, he had met a young lady and she had given birth to their son a month ago. I was totally relieved as he had just handed me my Get Out of Jail Free card. Adultery. I told him that we were definitely finished and that for me it was over. I got a lawyer and asked her to start separation proceedings. It has taken so long and we are only now waiting for our final hearing before the Judge.
I have seen the lies has told about me and I realise that I do not know him at all. I am looking forward to living in our home without him and cannot wait to beginmy new life. I have since started painting and design and got back in touch with playing the piano. I am developing myself and am excited about the future.

Oct 15 - 2PM
ididni
ididni's picture

Welcome, New Life...

Oct 15 - 2PM (Reply to #2)
New Life
New Life's picture

Welcome New Life

Oct 16 - 12PM (Reply to #3)
ididni
ididni's picture

is the judge going to make