Am I trying to fight a losing battle?

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#1 Aug 25 - 4PM
zenriver
zenriver's picture

Am I trying to fight a losing battle?

I left my N almost 4 month ago. Since then I have had a chance to process all of the things that I experienced with him. We have an 11 month old son together and he has full custody of his other three children. When we were together I witnessed a substantial amount of verbal, emotional, and physical abuse towards his children. He had me convinced the entire time we were together that his ex wife was crazy, that she was out for revenge at any cost and didn't care that her children were collateral damage. She ended up losing custody because she took them out of state to get them away from him and was charged with child abduction. I finally had a chance to speak to her and I discovered that she was just like me, confused, abused, and manipulated.

I got a call from Child Protective Services a couple months after I left. They wanted to interview me regarding the children. I guess a neighbor had seen him slapping the children around. I told them everything that I knew but they said that they really couldn't do anything unless the kids talked, which they won't. I also decided to write an extensive letter to the lawyer that was appointed to the children in his custody case. So far nothing has come of it, which is extremely frustrating. I am worried sick about them and feel so guilty for not coming forward with what I know or trying to protect them sooner. I even defended him for the longest time.

I am currently seeking a restraining order against him for myself and for my son because he I know what kind of violence he is capable of and I know how pissed he is that I am getting involved with his custody situation. I also am trying to obtain full custody of our son. I discovered that I have his password for his email and have been closely monitoring what he has been up too since I left. I have discovered 2 new girlfriends since, both of which he had his children very much involved with (he is constantly sending videos of everything he does to himself). It just makes me sick how he uses them to lure these sweet unsuspecting girls into his beautiful "perfect" family. He has videos of his 9 year old son counseling him about his relationship with her and reading about their astrology and how they were meant to be married (they have known each other for 3 weeks). I have convinced myself that I am just looking for something that I can use against him but so far I am just obsessing over trying to warn this girl about him. I found her on facebook and sent her a message but never got a response back.

I feel like I should leave it alone but I just can't help myself. I kind of wish I didn't know his password. It has helped me somewhat though to see who he really is. When I looked further back into his messages I found responses to craigslist ads for Adult Films and also conversations with girls he found in the craigslist personals for casual encounters. I miss his kids so much and I want to help his ex wife as much as I can to get her children back. I just hope and pray that I can officially obtain custody of my son with no visitation. I just know how charming he is and so far has been able to get away with so much.

Aug 25 - 6PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

The battle you are fighting

Aug 26 - 8AM (Reply to #2)
spinning
spinning's picture

ditto to my sister in strength,

spinning

Aug 26 - 9AM (Reply to #3)
zenriver
zenriver's picture

You are so right. I changed

Aug 26 - 3PM (Reply to #4)
shock and awe.some
shock and awe.some's picture

Hi Zenriver & welcome