Dear Stranger,

Dear Stranger,

My heart aches for you. I had hoped it was just a rumor but my fears have been confirmed. The psychopath was talking about you today. How your papers will soon be ready and he will be bringing you here from half way around the world. How he has been sending you money and how wonderful you think he is, so much so that you are willing to do anything for him include leaving your family behind, including your children, at least temporarily, to live in a foreign country where you will have difficulty communicating, have no friends, and have no job. He bragged about how beautiful and "subservient" you are and how your sons thought he was "superman" after he bought them some toys. I am sure you are looking forward to your new life, full of promises of being loved, provided for, living in a country with freedom, etc, etc, with your SOULMATE.

What you do not know is that I was one of his many ex's. I was discarded almost 2 years ago. Maybe you have heard of me, maybe you have not. If you have, I was probably referred to as psycho, bipolar, or crazy or something of that nature. He is an unfortunate soul that magically attracts "the crazies", you know? While I have not maintained any relationship or contact with him other than what is absolutely necessary through work, he has kept in touch with several of his ex's and new women. Let's just say, he has been "busy". His "best friend" / constantly-recycled supply of at least 8 years that I now realize from having the pleasure of working with her is probably also a narc, is very much active supply at the moment. If you do something to displease the psychopath (and that is not hard to do), he will just disappear to her. He will triangulate you with her. He will sleep with her. His poor ex-wife was kind of like you. He had her sell her house, moved her away from family and friends, isolated her, and then promptly divorced her. He was so proud that she was so lonely and she only had him to depend on. Even the narc OW -- although she gives him her share of disorderedness -- he brags about breaking up her marriage and as soon as it happened, that he dumped her and no longer wanted her. There have been many like me that have been abused and discarded in the last 2 years. Then there is this one woman who is from your country at my workplace who confronted me several months ago. Apparently she was being triangulated but I had no idea as I had no contact with the psychopath. But you know, he lies. Shortly thereafter, she was strutting around with the engagement ring he gave and then took back from his ex-wife so not long ago (and maybe even now), he was engaged. Yes, your soon-to-be husband was engaged not even 6 months ago. I know you have been "with" him longer than that because he "mistakenly" sent me your picture several times, the first time was probably about a year ago.

I cringe when I think about your future. It brings back so many bad and hurtful memories. Although I gave plenty, in the end, I was too independent and "obstinate" for him and didn't even last 6 months. Thankfully, I was able to get away. I cannot imagine what your life will be like in a country where you do not speak the language well, know no one, and are financially dependent on him. You are going to be right where he wants you to be -- vulnerable. And I hate that for you because I know he will not treat you well for long. I have been through the cycle...several times. I have seen other women go through it. I see it at work, although on a different level. And I heard HIM talk about going through the whole idealize, devalue, discard cycle with women before me and I just didn't believe him. I thought he wouldn't do that to me. Silly me -- I was just being idealized at that stage. It happens to all of us. He cannot do any different, no matter how much he says he has changed. Did he tell you "you make me want to be a better person"? Don't believe that. Don't believe a single pretty word he says. If it sounds chilling or cruel, think twice. It's probably the truth.

I will be praying for your safety and sanity. It makes me incredibly sad and fearful for you that he has found you. I wish there were more awareness about these types of people and that we, as individuals, had better boundaries and emotional health to begin with so would not fall prey to them. I hope one day, you will find us here.

** To those struggling to stay NC, having doubts about whether they change -- they do not!!!! Being LC due to work, I have had to see the psychopath in action and hear about him and nothing has changed. He is as vile and cruel as ever and operates predictably, just like he always has. I hope you find the strength to free yourselves from these toxic people / relationships.