He had another Girlfriend.. and I Got the Chance to Meet her

Hi,

I wanted to post my story because I find it so important to share during this time.

After a divorce from a seven year marriage, I had started out in a new city with a new dating life after a year of being single to recover and get right. Started dating again, went on many dates through lovely online dating. Some were nice, some were not so nice. But then, all of the sudden, this amazing man appears. 6'6'', ambitious, smart, driven, wow. Totally everything I wanted, and the opposite of my ex-husband. Before we went on our first date, we chatted for 5 hours over the course of two days. He told me before I went on a date with him that he lived with his ex-girlfriend but she was only a friend. I thought that was rather odd, but he assured me that they had ended things a year ago, but just co-habitated because they were friends and rent was so cheap there (made sense cause I live in one of the most expensive places in the world!).

So - we went on our first date...and it was pure magic. The first thing he said to me when he saw my face was "you are perfect". And from there the romance took off. I never felt so comfortable with someone. That date was like no date I have never had in my life. The connection we had was amazing and he was exactly everything I prayed for, at least at first. From there, our relationship moved fast. We were in love.

He was so attentive, always wanting to spend time together. He promised that he was moving out of his current situation to get a place on his own. We proceeded to date for 6 months, most times were wonderful, but there was the time when he went silent for days and ups / downs of his mood, that really took a toll on me. He then had this weird trip where we had to go to Hawaii with his family, and the ex had to go on the trip because she was friends with the entire family. I proceeded to try to break up with him, but when he got back he poured on the steam and promised me nothing was weird and that he was in love with me. I was where his future was... and unfortunately, I believed him.

Then, we went away to a wedding weekend together. That weekend, he proposed to me and told me that he wanted to be with me forever. I told him that he was crazy, he still had not moved out of his situation living with the ex, and that I wouldn't be with him fully until he was on his own. He then asked to move in with me. I said that it would be best for us to live apart and have a real relationship, then we could make our moves to be together long term. He agreed and said he would be out of his situation in 2 weeks. He said it was our time to be together.

After that weekend, I was so excited for our future. As soon as that happened, he became withdrawn, and told me that he wasn't right, his head wasn't right. That he realized he is not ready for this. Then he said that he loved me so much but there is so much that he has to get right in his life, with his job, his living situation, and such, that he didn't want to drag me through it and that we had a stop talking. He then became silent. With that I told him that I wouldn't be around when he was ready because I can't understand where this is all coming from. With that, he dropped me and I was devastated.

It took me three months and three trips to warm climates to get myself right. He was everything I wanted, a connection like I never had, in every single way. I started to heal but I always had something to remind me of him. I slowly started to cut up the pictures, delete the text messages, until one day... I was ok. For 9 months, he was gone. I dated, had a couple of small relationships, but none were like him. He was the one that I thought, actually was the one. Still, I got on with my life. Until that day... when he texted me out of the blue.

All it said was "Hello". I had erased his number so I didn't know who it was until I saw the iMessage pull up all of the old text messages from 9 months before (thanks Apple). It was him. I froze and started to cry. Why now? What did he want?

From there, the flurry of text messages came in from him sharing about how he thinks of me all the time, misses me, and that his life has changed. Finally, after a couple days I texted back. He returned the text right away. From there we started talking again, catching up. He asked me out on a date, to see me again, and to explain all that has happened in his life. I was hesitant, but then decided to go ahead with it. After canceling the first time due to nerves, I went through with it the second time. He was persistent.

From then, he shared how his life had changed. He moved out of his situation. Lived in an amazing place, with a friend. His job was going so well that he had been promoted two times. Life was on the upswing and all he wanted was me back in his life. Even if it was just to be friends, he loved me and worked so hard to get to where he is so that he would be in a position to get me back, as a friend or hopefully more. At first I was leary, but then the more and more I saw him, the more I saw this amazing man that had changed. He got away from the ex, he was not moody anymore. So for 3 more amazing months, he courted me. We dated and had the most amazing time. I practically lived at his new place, loved his roommates, and had a blast with them. We again went on trips, and during one of them, he asked to marry me again and said during the 9 months apart all he thought about was getting things right with me. That I was the reason for him to finally change where he was and what he was doing. I told him that I was so proud of him. That I missed him more than anything while he was gone, and I never could understand what happened when we broke up the last time. He said that he will never let me go.

Then, all of the sudden he got distant, again. He wouldn't call or text, he vanished. He said his job was forcing him to work insane hours. I being busy too tried to understand. But then all of the sudden, something happened to me.

I had this pain in my gut that wouldn't go away. I kept suppressing it for the last week or more. It was honestly a gut feeling like I never had before. I had it from the moment I woke up until the moment I cried at night, and then it would build up again. I knew something was terribly wrong. So what does one do when they feel something is terribly wrong, go to a psychic (naturally :)). She said to me that this man loves me so much but there is still a past relationship he is resolving. It shocked me... and with that the pain grew.

I decided that after 8 days of him vanishing (I wasn't calling him or texting him either), it was time that I call him. I did and his phone was turned off. I started to get worried. I mean, this man who calls and texts you all the time just up and vanishes, then you call and his phone is off, you begin to think the worst. With that I drove by his house, and saw a strange car in the driveway. I pulled up and got out.

With that I walked up to the driveway. My boyfriend pops out and says "hi, what are you doing here?" I said "hey, we haven't talked in a days and that's the first think you say to me!?!?" I then said I wanted to see if he was ok and how unlike him it was, and that I have had this pain in my stomach." He then said his ex (but said her name) was there.

With that, she came out from behind the house and said "hi, who are you?" I said, "I am his girlfriend...." and then she said, "that is funny, cause I am too."

She then came over to me and him and said to him "looks like you have a lot of explaining to do."

With that - for 45 minutes, us girlfriends exchanged stories, timelines, heartache, all in front of him- where he had nothing to say to say at first. Shocked, her crying (not me), light anger, and disgusted. We were both duped for so so long. The truth is, he has been with her for 6 years. He has never broken up with her, and he only moved out to get his space from her so that he could try to rekindle their relationship. I guess she decided that was a good thing (weird). She looked like a very battered and depressed woman. You could see she had scares from the years of dealing with this disgusting narcissistic man.

I have known about his ex through our relationship - the past issues they have, her struggle with depression, her massive weight gain, everything - and she told me that she had no idea about me and that she felt like she had a 2x4 hit her right at this very moment. She had just found out about my name earlier in the week when he was trying to order dinner for them and my name and address popped up on his takeout order. He lied and said it was a friend from his work. He was apparently begging her to move back in that week cause he missed her - but later he shared with us the truth is he couldn't afford to live in his current location anymore (which later in the 45 minutes, his roomates came home to tell us that they want him out because of the lies and dishonesty they feel they have to live in with him around). So this would solve the puzzle as to why he stopped talking to me for those 8 days... I was about to get discarded so he could go back to her.

With each swap of a story, the other woman and I grew more and more disgusted at the situation, absolutely horrified. He just sat there pleading with both of us saying how he has been in love with both of us for some time, but that he loves me more and wants a future with me. He said this right in front of the ex... or shall I say original girlfriend. He said he loved me more, that I was his future - in front of her. I told him that he will never, ever see me again for as long as he lives. I was calm, cool and collected during the interactions with the other girl, giving her my condolences and sympathy saying that neither of us deserved this after every disgusting detail we shared.

I then put everything out there for the other girl... I wanted her to understand the intensity of this man and I, not to give her pain, but to help her realize this is a sick sick man. I said to him "do you care to tell her how you proposed to me twice? or how you said I was going to be the mother of your children?" The other girl said that in all 6 years she has invested in this she never heard those words and she feels so used. I told her that this moment shows us that we are better and deserve so much more.

With that I said to the bastard man that I so believed him, he had me going, but the fraud is over. I knew it, and I always had a feeling of it but never to this capacity. I told him that he is the one that has to live with himself for the rest of his life, and that is a pretty terrible position to be in given the pain and distruction he has caused in so many people's lives.

I then turned to the other girl (she wanted to stay and talk to him alone after I left) - and I extended my hand for her to shake, and she did. I told her that I am so glad I met her, that she is lovely, and that she deserves so much more than this, and that she and I will get that and to not lose hope.

With that I walked away not saying anything to disgusting man, nothing. I can't tell you what walking away felt like.... it was a freedom and an empowerment that I can't even describe. I knew it, and I ignored my own body signs until I couldn't do it anymore.

I feel like this was a dream, a nightmare, but that it is over. My heart BLEEDS for the other girl. She invested everything - she took care of him, she built a home with him, they shared a dog.... We would have continued to be duped if I didn't trust my gut. I just knew something was wrong.

While my pain is real and intense, it can't compare to the pain she feels inside. I have prayed for her since the moment I got home that night. The sad part is, I don't know if she has the ability to let him go. I hope she can find the strength. She seems very unconfident, broken down, and sad. i think it is the result of 6 years of him. I only had 1 1/2 years with a 9 month break, so I would say that I was saved early comparative to her. She has a lot to get through. Amazingly enough, I think about her more now after this whole thing. I want her to be ok. I very much pray she is... I have thought about contacting her, but I know that will only bring the narcissistic bastard back near me, and I don't want that at all. He needs to stay far far away. I blocked him on every communication medium you could name.. unless he physically shows up at my door (luckily he hasn't yet), he can't contact me. I read that narcissistic injury or crisis like this can cause the narcissist to consider suicide or move to another city. I am hoping the ladder is true cause he needs to GTFO out of my city and away from others that he could make victims.

Thanks for letting me share my story. I have to tell the world that it does get better. I am three weeks out from this.. and I never had that gut pain again after that day. Although I am sad, angry, devastated in many ways... I am also so hopeful, joyful, and thankful that I had the courage to believe in my gut and recognize it. Also - I am very hopeful for my future. I know that in the end, true love will come. This situation taught me to love myself, protect myself, and MOST importantly, go with your gut. It is usually right.