My N became "born again Christian" I thought here's my solution!

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#1 Aug 7 - 2AM
wendyay55
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My N became "born again Christian" I thought here's my solution!

I have been in a "relationship" with a narcissist for almost 3 years...I've know about Narcissistic Personality Disorder for about a year now...but fell into every trap...my Narcissist became a "born again" Christian ...I believed this would cause him to change..it did... He retreated more... But it's his new high ..that strokes his ego and gives him his adrenaline rush..Is his entrenchment in church leadership... And everyone feels he is a "mighty man of God"… they think he is marvelous wonderful and "A True Man of God"... This very thing that I find when I met him made us perfect for each other the thing he said he wanted most as did I .. I did not do this to impress him or be what he wanted… when I first met him We both were seeking the same ..or so he said .. And we went through this together ...but now I am no longer needed and I see the complete opposite side of the man that he shows to all others... to everyone else he is helpful, supportive endearing ... A man who counsels many ... But to me he is acting in the same harmful, hurtful, belittling way he always had.. However it is magnified now by 100 fold and I am told that I am the only one he has issues with... And that I make him say the cruel things he does ... he will not contact me or respond to phone calls or texts for days at a time ... If I get too close to his pain he shuts down runs away ...tells me That it's no wonder my husband of 22 years divorced me ... That I will never find someone who will meet on my "needs"... I'm too high maintenance ...... He tells me just because I have a thought doesn't mean I need to share it… He tells me my purse is too large… like I'm some sort of bag lady ..Huh? These are the issues he has with me? ??That he has no problems with anyone else but me... I've always wanted to be in a relationship with him where God is the center... And he said this is what he always dreamed of..yet… He seemed to never wanted that... Told me "not with you"..."you just aren't the woman for me" .. Although he brought me to this church... Which I did request he do.. in the last six months ... Since he became a bigwig at the church... And "in like Flynn with the pastor" he has continually been breaking it off with me .. Asking me "was I thick?" "I don't want to do this with You!" When I became born-again I said I did not want to have sex anymore, but to build something deeper more special than what we had before with him ..At First he agreed with me but then he said he would have to go out and find someone to have sex with...Nor would he act as if this new point in our spiritual lives was at all important to him... As if it had no bearing on "us".. And all he ever talked about was how no one in his past ever wanted to share Godly relationship with him ... He said we would be awesome together… Yet he never wanted to be seen as a "couple" in church or out of church… I could never say in three years I have a "boyfriend".. That word screamed of commitment to him ... He would refer to me as his girlfriend in some cases and I would ask why… He would say oh it's just easier than explaining ... I have been crushed to the bone ..Yet now he counsels everyone... Prays with them and has completely rejected me... And now an old girlfriend from four years ago ... Who had completely dumped him and he said just to weeks ago that he could never have in his life because they were spiritually so far apart... Is now back in his life and he is going to bring her to God... And prays with her etc... And all those things that I wanted he is doing with her... How could I not have seen this coming? He now has his new "leadership" status at the church ..and this woman who needs "saving" to replace me with... And I am truly devastated... And it takes everything within me to not shout out to everyone "he is a phony and a fake" and he has begun to discredit my reputation at the same church...OUCH! I know what to do but I just cannot seem to do this... I am told "oh don't worry I am checking out her spirit... For she has changed" And I know the only reason she is back in his life is because she is a narcissist herself who dumped him and he needs to take that control back. He tells me he loves me in case she dumps him again he knows I'll be around... But I cannot we cannot do this and it is breaking me to pieces... All the attention and love and care he now shows to others is exactly what I have been starved for though I know it is all just him doing an imitation… It is his own self he seeks to fulfill... And I was there when this same woman dumped him and he was a mess and..and I saw this "broken man" I did not know why he was so broken ..so "lost and hurting" ...it was really just his already fragile ego, angry because she had rejected him first... So what do I do? Miss Empathy.. Stroked that ego… built him up and now he is cockier than ever... I did the exact thing he needed to destroy me ... I feel like an absolute idiot … because when I realized what he was I really thought spirituality would change him ... I feel like a complete idiot ... That which I thought and was told would bring us together he has used for his own narcissistic purposes ... Until the recent girl came into his life again he said he could not figure out whether I was the best thing that ever happened to him .. The greatest blessing or the greatest curse ... And now this other woman comes along and now he has someone else that he feels he needs to go see "to feed his ego ... I know he feels I know who he is behind his mask and has run to someone who does not know better and thinks he's this great new man ... I have to witness this twice a week at our church and can barely sleep or eat ...And I am a mess!

Aug 10 - 6PM
wendyay55
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Reprehensible

Aug 10 - 5PM
wendyay55
wendyay55's picture

Thank you all..wonderful advise

Aug 10 - 9PM (Reply to #6)
pumpkinpie
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If you are committed to your

Aug 7 - 6PM
Newandhopeful
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Reprehensible

Aug 7 - 3PM
Goldie
Goldie's picture

The Lord and Christian Doctrine

Aug 7 - 12PM
pattylyn
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I'm curious...

Aug 7 - 2PM (Reply to #2)
spinning
spinning's picture

I'd say that is outstanding advice, pattylyn!

spinning