Traits a Predator is looking for in YOU: A Narcissist Shopping List ~ Goldie~

A Narcissist is looking for a chink in your armor, a means in which to gain access to your inner sanctuary. Some of these traits may also be your strengths. It is more how you execute these strengths in a relationship setting which may make them target worthy to the Narcissist.

They also look for any signs of weakness, vulnerability, self doubt, insecurity, stress, family of origin patterns, and naivete in any area of your life and personality. They look at your needs, desires, hopes, dreams, fantasies, and deep longings. They analyze and study your disappointments, losses, and fears. They are particularly interested in where you feel you have failed, made mistakes, and found yourself in situations where you did not feel you were on top of your game.

A Narcissist is watching for what makes you laugh, when do you cry, what excites you, where you show fear. Basically what brings you up and what takes you down.

They listen, watch and learn.

Most of them can size up a new target within minutes. They watch how you carry yourself, are you confident in some settings, fearful in others, and what makes you tick.

They are looking for your hot spots, and weaknesses in order to gain control of you, your emotions, and they are looking for what specifically they may gain from you. Where you are vulnerable and what you have to give to them.

The process is two fold for the Narcissist, what am I going to take and get out of the deal and where is my access?

They will also be looking at your strengths, what is in it for me? They want the best possible supply they can secure, yet they want to be in control.

The Narcissist is looking for what they want and need.

This will vary as to what it is they want from you.

They want the best they can find for what ever those needs may be.

Social status
Home base
Sex in general
Financial security/Cash Cow
Attractiveness to make them look good in your presence
Triangulation Purposes
Employment opportunities
A victim to tolerate covert and overt abuse
A wife
Mistress
Girlfriend
A Mother for their children
Sex Slave
And so on....

Obviously all these will not apply to you. You are selected to serve your particular purpose

I have worked with hundreds of clients now, from all walks of life and have composed typical profile's of the most likely candidates to be selected (targeted) by Narcissists.

Some of these may apply to you. They do not apply to everyone and do not all need to apply in order for you to find yourself in a relationship with a Narcissist. You may be part of one and part of another and not at all some of these.

This is not cookie cutter, all Narcissist do not exhibit exactly the same detailed characteristics.

Some are violent, some are not.
Some are sexually deviant, some are not.
Some are verbally abusive, some are not.
Some engage in Silent Treatment (off securing new supply or with old supply) some, not so much.
Some want to marry you, some do not.

They generally operate from the Manuel I call the Abuse Buffet.

They treat you in the ways in which you will be easiest to control. What works with you, may not be particularly effective with another target.

They may want something from you that they don't want from another, depending on what your role is going to be for them.

You are assigned your role early on in the game and rarely does this role ever change, this is why your attempts to change your role do not work.

Here are some typical Narcissist Target profile's:

The Married Woman~

You are generally in your 40's or so, your children are grown or almost grown up and you are bored with sex with your husband. He may or not be a good provider and father (for the most part, he is OK) yet, he no longer does a thing for you, emotionally or sexually. You are sick of him and it shows. It shows in your face, in your attitude, and that loss of spring in your step. You are not ready to leave your marriage or even sure that you want to. You are feeling tired, older, and wondering what ever happened to the dream. The dream of love, lust, excitement, and feeling beautiful, admired, respected and adored.

The Narcissist and the Married Women~

This is going to be fun. She's married. No responsibility for me. I love to bang another dudes wife, what a hit for me. She's feeling blue and insecure about her looks and sexuality. Do I have the cure for that or what? I'll tell her what she wants to hear, screw her like a sailor on leave, and receive hassle free sex, presents, and she will fall in love with me in no time. This one is going to be a cake walk. I am bored, he says, shortly into this liaison, let's see what I can get her to do sexually to PROVE her love and devotion for me. He chuckles to himself, let's see if she will do other guys, let me smack her around some (under the guise of playful sex), I'll take some pics and video for future blackmail purposes, what the heck, she's so stuck on me, she will never suspect my true motives, the dumb bitch. All this future faking is exhausting. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you are my soulmate and I want you to leave your husband and become exclusive with me and we can have a great life together, sure, sure, sure, whatever you want to hear, is fine with me to say, I don't give a shit one way or the other. This is fun fun fun, I get exactly what I want from her, with no strings attached. WTF, he says to himself one day, she did not jump when I called. Screw that, I'll show her. I'll tell her if she does not leave her husband I am done. I'll punish her with some silent treatment, why not, my other Girlfriend has been wanting to spend more time with me anyway. Damn, she left her husband, now what? She doesn't seriously thing I was really wanting her all to myself. I have way too much going on for that. I only wanted to see how much control I had, see if she would leave him for me. Well she did, now it's on her. I'll just tell her, I'm not ready for all of this, it all happened too soon. I need time, she need's time, whatever, just make her stop calling me and texting me, it's driving me crazy.....I think I better give her a cooling off period, this is way too much hassle and stress for me. At this point, the Narcissist Degrades and Devalues, and the relationship is never the way it was in the beginning again and he never becomes the answer to your original marital woes. You have been duped by a Narcissist who got off on the thrill, the chase, the hunt of the Married Women. They especially enjoy taking you away from a boyfriend or husband. It's a challenge, shows them they can control you, and keeps them from becoming too bored early on. Of course once they have you, the thrill is gone.

You are mess, now trying to recover from the loss of a marriage and the loss of the illusion of the Narcissist, the loss of all the future faking.

In some cases, you don't leave your husband and he may or may not know of your involvement with the Narcissist. In those cases you are left with nothing from the Narcissist and a unsuspecting husband who has no clue regarding what has happened. You do not have him to share and process your feeling as he doesn't know or if he does know, he couldn't possibly understand.

Stay tuned for future Narcissist Target Profiles.

Together and Healing,
Goldie

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