I have been brainwashed

Hi My name is Philip.
Where do i start 8yr ago i went to a spiritual church and met this loverly lady she was a dark haired barbi doll wearing pink. I was in a bad place in my marriage and she was in a marriage of 22years, She made me welcome and sat next to me through the service and could sence that i had abilitys. She befriended me over the next weeks and telling me about her failing marriage and how horrible her husband was.We stayed friends over the next 1-2 yr and my marriage failed through my wifes infidelity.I we had a kind of love between us and started seeing alot of each other (her always coming to my place)i had a short term relationship just prior to this that did overlap(not proud of that). She promised love and a future together and was very physical. All this time she would always want to be seen as the perfect lady to outsiders and also me. She always seemed a bit insecure but would always have people falling around her and believing in her . She would offer everyone spiritual help and seemed to get off on it. Mean while i was kept as a deep dark secret for 10 months while she was trying to get out of her marriage and always said its not easy for her and would say her husband owned her. eventually he moved out and she dumped me because she had hooked into another guy 2 month earlier apparently. She blamed me for it as i had my short term girlfriend and that hurt her. 3 weeks later i contacted her and she was all gushy over me again and at this point i had love for her. I thought great i can be with the woman of my dreams. all flowers and lollipops for the next 4 months Then i found out she was in contact with a chap in the USA that she had an emotional affair with 1 yr prior to me and that he had come to NZ to swipe her off her feet. I got upset and then i was blamed for that if i hadnt had the now ex GF.she controlled everything we did and who we would see. She was great with my kids and our interactions were mainly at home or go out for drives.she then was blackmailed by her ex for sex and to come back to him ,this stressed her to the max, so she up and told me she was going to spend 2 days with him just to see and made me be ok with it (which i actually wasnt) She came back and said it was me she wanted he was a jerk.We carried on but she wouldnt let go of our foundation which she done just as bad but i was made out to be a monster. She enlisted friends and told them that i was a pervert, sex love addict, abusive etc etc . these thigs came out because her father was a pervert,her husband was a porn addict and had acted out on her for 20 yr. the abuse was from others in her life ie;brother,father. I had denied some things earlier on and was dubbed abusive for it. I would defend myself and would be told that i am deflecting and i should on my wrongs. She convinced me i was wrong and would apologize.mean while she would pour love and affection onto me then push me away stating i gave her PTSD and other accusations of unfaithful actions.We went to see a psychologist and she failed to tell the true story in her 1 on 1 after our joint session, i told the whole true story and was told my partner had no mention any of it and she would not go back again. We carried on and at this point wouldnt spend nights with me but would hang out any other time (reckoned she would feel my ex in my mind while i slept) this went on for a few months and a girl from work started fancying on me which i turned away and was open about , She made a point of going to see this girl as she did my earlier GF to find out what happened then we went to a counselor to work through her insecurity and apparently my problem with women. in 30 min of our story which she dominated with her version he said you need to go to this group a 12 step for sex addicts. I was gob smacked and she googled everything she could about it. i went to the program and shared my life story, 3 guys there came up to me and said you are not a sex love addict you suffer abandonment. i took this back to the counselor who then agreed and apologized to me. My partner was not there to here this and would not go back as the counselor was direct with her about her issues and she got defensive. she had me believe that he was mean even thou i thought hmm he is on to something and he is the second one to affect her in this way. She would tell her friends about me and what i was and they went to my employer with it saying i shouldnt be around female staff or patients,She was very convincing to everyone yet would not tell anyone the true story and i was just a lier. Then it was all love and lollipops again. she would come across as stressed if she felt un safe if women were around me and would say she is triggering and i caused PTSD in her abusively to me. One evening i had just finished work and she came to my house and started abusing me over ladies at work i held the door shut so my kids wouldnt hear, at that point she said you cant retain me here and i was only trying to communicate. I let the door go and walked out with her abusing me all the way and saying its over,of course i was pleading with her. i did remove her keys so she would listen to me. At this point she had dialed the police but apparently never rang . i gave her the keys and off she went. 10 min later she said the police heard us and she was going in. then i was arrested for assault which took months to clear my name with no conviction. Over this time the abuse and control continued with me being the naughty boy and should always apologize to her. She atarted pulling away and not wanting to see me as much because i work around women. She would ring every day and abuse me the say a half hearted sorry for it then accuse me for causing her problems then say i really love you and dont want you out of my life etc etc, this went on for a year. She went to a trainee counselor as it was cheaper for her PTSD and they mambee pambeed her as to me it sounded like she controlled the sesions and didnt get the true help she needed, it made her worse and more abusive and controlling over me. I was not allowed to go any where and she would track and trace me all day by phone. i wasnt even allowed to communicate with my kids mother. She would reject me and then love me and would continue to tell me statistics show %80 of women will cheat on you but she would never do that as she is one of the few decent ones . It was at a point i hated my job and she did want me out of it but offered no solution it was all my fault.One year ago i broke my neck . i reached out for support from her which she would only do over the phone then hang up when hospital was mentioned. All this time she dictated when we would have sex. 2 days before my spine surgery she came to my house and wanted sex just in case it went wrong and i was paralyzed and could never have it again. the night before surgery i was abused by phone that i was loving on the nurses.( i was stressed enough and said do not come near me or try see me after surgery)From that point i have only seen her 2 times and she would rush off having a trigger.I spent a year recovering and had other issues with my health at the same time. ALL the while she would ring and talk about other peoples issues and abuse me over the past and accuse me of infidelity. I just loved her so much and could see no wrong in her and would believe that i had done so wrong by her. She had me believe that she was wonderful and not like other women and was trust worthy and i should trust her with me which i did. 6 weeks ago she had a freak out over me going to my eldest sons engagement party called me an f@#ing lier and to f off then changed her phone numbers, blocked my e-mails and would hang up on me on her work phone and has told all her friends and family that i am a lier and abusive and controlling. i sent emails by other accounts pleading as she was breaking my heart and hurting me.3 weeks ago she has a new man totally blew my mind apart especially since the day before cut off she was telling me not interested in men and would not do that to me as she cared for me . all which i believed as that was what she convinced me of and has mashed my brain into thinking that i cant trust another woman. The thing thats mucked my head up is the lies she told me about her being so sweet etc and how i cant trust other women no closure or anything. oddly enough i had to go see a emergency psychologist which happened to be the one we first seen as a couple. She remembered our story and how the ex refused to go back. This psychologist believes the ex to have NPD as she has never owned or apologized for any of her wrongs to me and the cruelty i have suffered . She now gets around like nothing is wrong and all in love. There is so much more things that have happened that matches NPD. Phew my mind is fried and dont know whats up or down at the moment.