Questions

I posted yesterday about looking on facebook and beginning to doubt myself. I’m still having those doubts and there is one thing I need some perspective on. It’s an issue that has haunted me for long time but I’ve been afraid to address it. That issue is whether my ex is a narcissists or if I was simply a rebound. I posted most of this when I told my story way back, but I will try to briefly summarize. My ex and I were highschool sweethearts, we were engaged and dated for 5 years and then were off and on for 2-3 years. I eventually got tired of the off and on and finally walked away. Our relationship was hell, lies, cheating, betrayal, etc. During that time I started seeing a therapist and she was the first to mention that he might be a narcissist. I didn’t remember her words until one year ago when I started learning about NPD. So no contact for 5 years, though he tried to hoover once or twice. Then he came back telling me he wanted a relationship, love bombing with texts, emails, phone call everyday. He promised he wanted to work it out and that he had changed. He claimed the he and his ex had been over for 10 months and he didn’t talk about her much at all. He just said he wasn’t happy and left. The love bombing lasted 2 months and then suddenly the calls slowed down. I even remember asking him if he was losing interest and he said no, he was just busy. After one weekend together he suddenly told me he hadn’t dealt with what happened between him and his ex and no longer wanted me. When I asked what was going on and if he was going back, he became very mean saying he learned his lesson about going back to exes from me. When I asked why he was being mean he gave me no answer. I was upset and crying just trying to get closure, all he said was “I’m trying not to be an asshole”. After a month I saw on facebook that he was back with her. I asked him why he lied and he claimed he wasn’t really back with her and he changed his facebook status back to single. A week later I found out the truth and when I tried to get closure to ask why he made all those promises, he denied that he ever did. It was like he was a completely different person, no apologies, nothing. In the love bombing phase he sent me texts saying how much he wanted to be with me and then claimed to not have said it. I had repeatedly asked him if he meant what he was saying and always said “I wouldn’t waste your time”. They broke up again and he started calling me but eventually went back to her. They’re married now. I just can’t help wondering if he loved her all along and that’s way he discarded me. My friends have said they think he wanted money because he was struggling to pay his bills but I refused to help him financially so he went to her instead. He complained about his ex not working and he admitted that she often accused him of only caring about money.