I went back What the heck ...

I am so disappointed in myself. It is such a strange dichotomy ...when he is on the hunt a suppose and feels like he has to get me back our relationship is so rad. He is fun, playful, ect ect ect...but the second I start to feel comfortable he gets selfish and narc like again.... I am so disappointed in myself for falling for it again. I also read here a lot and ive been reading a lot on setting boundaries. I wrote a letter to my inner child ( suggested by my therapist ) and it helped a lot . I have realized I have always had some type of guilt in setting boundaries... and have never followed through with them...like somehow sub consciously I didn't believe I was worth setting boundaries and was scared if I did that people wouldn't like me and there for I would feel unlovable. Anyhow that being said I feel like I have been doing the deep soul searching and the crying and praying and mediating but I am still drawn to this man who only shows me dignity and respect when he feels he should ex. when I am adoring him... He has so many Narc quality's yet sometimes I find myself wondering if he really is a narc and if he isn't am I giving up too soon? Has this happened to anyone else? How did you finally decide yep this is a shit relationship and he is a Narc? I am really down on myself tonight... Learning to set boundaries ( silver lining ) Hope everyone is having a good night and thank you for reading :)