Feeling like crap today

I feel like crap today.... I'm 31 days no contact with a protection order. I took charge and finally broke free. We went to court and he contested the order. Two days after court the police came to my door after midnight asking if I knew where my ex was. They said he had been in a fight and was being charged with felony assult and battery, also he was not supposed to be drinking so he violated the protection order. I of course don't have a clue where he is. The police said they are issuing a warrent for his arrest.

On the 25th we go back to court to try and make the protection order permanent. Of course he keeps contesting but this is the last time. I pray I get it.

Even though I took control of my life and said no more, went complete no contact, packed his crap and made him come get it with a police officer present, I still feel like a big loser. I feel like he's still winning. I'm here with 3 kids and 10 weeks pregnant. He is living single and free. I thought by now I would be a little stronger but I just feel like crap.