One of those Days

I really need a place to vent today. I'm 9 months out of an abusive relationship with a narcissist. I work with him. We dated on and off for over 3 years. I've been doing well in the last 2 months, mainly because he stopped hoovering me. We all know what that means. Tuesday I came face to face with why he stopped.

He and his new GF (another co-worker)walked in from lunch together, him with that sly, shit ass grin on his face. I think I played it off well, I ignored both of them and dealt with it once I was alone and back in my office.

The thing is - she's about 20 years older than him. She has a son that's the same age as him. At first, I didn't think they were really dating because they're such an odd combination. Maybe what he wanted was a mama?

I hate that I even care, but I do. Everyone keeps telling me what does it matter, we are not dating anymore. That's true, but I'm just so shocked and hurt. I don't know if he's doing it to get back at me, or just for sex, or just a combination of the two.

I know the reason his mother told me he broke up with me was because he wanted to have children someday. Well, he certainly can't have them with her. Of course, I know this won't last, but I'm so off-balance now.

I know they will use whatever reason they can to push you away. Me not being able to have anymore kids was just that - an excuse.

I tolerated way more than I ever should have off this man. It has at least lead me to a place that I'm FINALLY looking at ME - the only person I'm capable of changing.

I need this to stop. I need to heal. It's impossible working in the same environment, especially now that he's flaunting his new relationship in my face. I feel like I'm on pins and needles at work and there's a new dread to coming into the office every day.

I know your advice will be to find another job. I do plan on starting that process, but how to deal till then?

I'm just in a bad place today. I will pick myself up and move on, but like I said, I feel so off-balance. Please tell me it's going to get better.