Best friend

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#1 Jun 12 - 4PM
KSM
KSM's picture

Best friend

Am so glad to have found this website, so much of what i'm reading matches up...
I thought I had found the best friend ever, but am now being hurt more than ever - a girl at work , we used to talk for hours on the phone, at lunch , we seemed to get on amazingly well and it when we talked it was like it helped me understand myself more than with anyone else, seemed like no friendship I had ever had.... so often after a chat she'd say oh thanks so much for being such a good friend.... am so lucky to have a friend like u etc etc and I would often be late for things cos of not being able to tear myself away from our conversations, and gradually found that my whole life was becoming all about her and doing stuff for her and giving support - I've given her more support in terms of advice, compliments , phone time, listening than I have to anyone ever in my life.... looking back now I was naïve about why she wanted to talk so so so often... but after 2 yrs things changed, I noticed i'd get blamed for tiny things... i'd have all kinds of hurtful comments thrown at me... I started to notice how the conversations were nearly 100% what she wanted to talk about.., and no interest in my issues anymore and no help when I asked for help. and I noticed how she'd tell me how great other friends are to her as if to get me to feel I need to compete with them , I found myself feeling I need to outdo her other friends, & felt bad if not there to give support in case she would drop me down her list. found I was like always trying to compete to be her best friend. And in last year have been thinking if am nice to her eventually things will get back to how they were before - but now after some really hurtful stuff being said lately am realising no they never will, she seems to treat me as if no need for me at all, shes replaced me with another friend now, and im treated with such disrespect, as if all the kindness I've shown has been forgotten. and as if the friendship means/meant nothing to her and as if it wouldn't bother her 1 bit to just cut me off. Shes giving me cold shoulder at work at the moment and I'm finding it so hurtful and not sure how to deal with it. I tried to have a chat to resolve things and as usual I apologised for stuff but got no apology back. On one hand i'm realising how all the hurtful comments, put downs and disrespect i'm taking from her in last year is making me feel so negative about myself to point where am seeing a counsellor due to feeling so low/depressed. On the other hand I would give anything to get back the friendship with her how it used to be - and that seems to be my problem I've given too much already towards that goal and am paying price for it.
I know I should keep away from her as much as possible, due to the hurtful comments, but its so hard to do that, I so much want to be at least have some sort of friendship still .. and still really like her a lot in spite of everything . And I cant get it out of my mind, often I'm thinking what went wrong, its so hard to believe it went from so good to so bad.... it used to be so nice to have a friend I could talk to about anything & everything and who made me feel that they wanted my company and valued my advice.... now I can just feel how I've dropped way down her list of friends & I her valuation of me. I;m realising I've given way too much of myself to this friendship and need to find myself again.. but it hurts so much.
And I find no-one really understands, and because it wasn't a romantic relationship people don't recognise how much it hurts - when I talk to friends about how hurt I feel they think its just someone at work, not a big deal... just ignore her...

Jun 23 - 10AM
sunny1973
sunny1973's picture

Me too

Jun 12 - 9PM
Helpneeded
Helpneeded's picture

Hi KSM I'm going through this

Jun 12 - 7PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Just goes to show.. A narc