The Aftermath

Im new here. Im not going to share my story just the aftermath and why Im here. I broke up with my Ex last September. I did not know he was a narcissist yet. I was seeing a therapist before the break up and she informed me I was in a Controlling and Manipulative Abusive Relationship. Shortly after that he cheated on me and I broke up with him. He put me into block and it was the best thing he ever did for me. After that I read up on everything I could and found out he was a Covert Manipulator.

In December I signed up for Yoga something I would have never done if I was with him or even before him. I was really proud of myself. A new year was just around the corner and after everything I had gone through after the break up I was feeling a little bit of hope. Christmas nite.. he sent me a text.

After I got the text I figured it had to do with him being a Covert Manipulator so I started to google. That is when I found out he had hoovered me. And that is how I landed on Lisa's site. I read everything I could. I was like a sponge on here. I now know what I was really dealing with...a Narcissist with NPD. After that he sent 4 more texts over several days. Each time I got one I could see all the lies and manipulation and there was no way I was texting him back. But a week later after the last text and knowing he was a narc I sent him 3 texts. I needed to know if they were still together, living together and if he was still at current job. I liked that he was with her. He had moved in with her and was over an hour away from me now. He responded and told me they were still together,of course, he smeared her name all over the place in his responses..not my problem though. Unfortunately he is still with current job which is only 5 miles from me. My ExN has a bit of a stalking problem. The very next day he sent me a text asking if he could see me sometime. I thought, Really??? You have got to be kidding me, you Freak of Nature!! I responded with a simple, No. I cannot tell you the empowerment I felt doing that. And now I also have the upper hand. One week later I put him into block on my phone. It feels so good to have the control back on my terms. I will never give it back to him. I will also note that he never had FB while he was with me but 2 mos after breaking up with him I found out he had an account.I went to it and blocked him, his gf, her 2 kids and her mom. And Ive never un-blocked them.

So, back in January I read the blogs, links, forum and started the 6 steps which Im done with now. Ive also been following a blogger who is also a victim of narcissist abuse. Six months after break up I thought it would be good for me to go out. That it had been long enough and the people would basically leave me alone. WRONG. Over a 4 mos stretch I went out only 3 times. These are some of the things I endured..staring and pointing. I had several people get right up in my face and defend ExN and ex mutual friends ignored me. I ignored it all. Not once did I try and defend myself. There was no way I was giving them a reaction or possibly supply to the ExN. I just took it. When someone tried to talk about ExN I waved my hand and said I dont want to hear it. Unfortunately several people were fast and sneaky and got out what they wanted to say. I now heard the brunt of the smear campaign. I sat composed while I was told I was a liar, cheater, stalker, crazy, was doing drugs, a cutter and the ultimate one was the one that summed up alot for me. I will inform you I have Clinical Depression. I also had a one on one with Goldie and told her that I was bad supply. After the first year we hardly had sex and that was my doing not his. She told me there had to be something otherwise he wouldnt of stayed with me for 6 yrs. She was right. I broke up with him 4 times and seperated from him twice. Each time this happened he was telling people I had a lot of issues and that I was threatening him with suicide if he didnt come back. He was in fear of my safety and that is why he always went back to me. Can someone please tell me how this make sense? I broke up with him but I threaten to hurt myself because I want him back so bad? Oh wait, thats right he is a Narc aka a vile heartless monster. So anyways, he looks like the good guy to his audience and makes me look bad for doing such a horrible thing to him...which I wasnt. Thats how he got his supply for 6 yrs. After finding that out I decided no more bars. There are plenty of other things I can do with my friends. This is where I am at now. The next time I see my therapist we will be digging around in my past. I have been in therapy before so I already have an understanding why I didnt leave him and how I attracted a Narc in the first place.

Sometimes though I get anxious because I feel like I should be farther along. I have to remind myself that even after everything I have read and done I only found out he was a Narc 5 mos ago not 9 mos ago when we broke up. And that I need to give myself a break after everything I have been through.