Sheri@@hot's story

It was NOT love at first sight but rather a friendship that evolved. The friendship consisted of seeing each other out in bars, him with a girl (most times) and me hanging with great friends. We started talking more and more and exchanged emails. I provided big info to him in those emails, having just come out of a relationship that was very painful and him actually providing support. Over time, we developed a strong attraction and after the first kiss.............wow, we were thick as thieves. What a wild ride. Great to my kids (single mom to 3 young girls) and good to me. We went to plays, dinner, everywhere. He took me to ARizona as he had a place out there. I was enthralled with him and he was the wonderful. We danced and always had a good time. 7 years on and off, DUH HES A DOUCHEBAG IN DISGUISE and finally, I married the man in March 2013. I decided it was time to end it or try it. I tried it. Today, as I type this, I am living in my girlfriends upstairs bedroom. lol. SMH at the craziness of how I got here. Douche man moved to Arizona and I flew out there frequently to see him. Sometimes he paid but most times he didn't. I ended up moving out there with my youngest and the other two stayed. One month later, I am packing my crap as fast as I can, dropping off boxes at UPS to ship home, picked up my daughter and hit the road for a 25 hour drive home. NO mention of it to him. Why did I leave? he was crazy, insane, demeaning, etc. My daughter was homesick and this man became crazy so imagine how she was feeling. I said no way in hell was I going to let her feel so alone, so afraid and thought UP YOURS moron, we are gone. Guess who came to Indiana. Anyway, one day after he returned, I looked at his emails because he always left them open. I discovered the lies there. OMG another woman in Arizona and on the cusp of all my visits. He would email her 'sorry I was silent, family was in town and I didn't have time to talk'. I told him once after I started having a hard time reaching him that if he was, or was thinking about dating other people, to tell me and I would move on. He said if you don't trust me we need to end this now. LOL what a jerk.
Moving on this continued back and forth for years. I would end it and start having fun with friends and finding my way and sure enough..............30 days to the day, every time, he would come back. I didn't realize the narcissism to the degree I suspected until I really dedicated myself to becoming an expert on it. He is very unhealthy. His kids have no relationship with him, his ex wife of 28 years picked him up at the airport, pulled in front of the house and said she had to go get cigarettes. He went in to find that she had packed up. Of course, she never returned. 'As soon as her youngest hit his first year of college, she split. A woman after my own heart. She sacrificed for her family and suffered at the hands of this man for 28 long years. He is very arrogant. Good looking.......he was. The years and bad behavior have caught up to him. He is ugly to me.
I bought a place to live and lived there for 2 years when I decided to just try marriage with him. I know. WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING. I'm an educated, self sufficient woman that has never had a problem befriending women or meeting men. I laugh, smile and enjoy life. That changed after I met him but so slowly that I didn't realize I was giving up so much. I married him and almost immediately he stepped up his game. Boy the chains were put on, the belittling became a daily hobby. He literally jumped on me on the bed and said it was him job to break me down so he could build me into the person I should have been from the start. crazy. This past year was horrible. Name calling, grabbing me, hitting me. I felt broken, sad all the time, and so lost. I realized that I had to get out before I did something really stupid. NOT to me. I found myself staring at rat poison one day at Home Depot and told a friend that I think I'm gonna kill him if I don't leave. We laughed about it of course but the fact that I actually had that thought made me realize that I had really lost myself.
So here I am. I have had so many years with crazy that I feel an immediate member to the Steps 4-6 forum. I really have a sound understanding of N and trust me, a great therapist. I told her recently that its over and I now want only to discuss me and my healing! So happy to be here and look forward to reading more info daily. The ladies are supportive and awesome. I know I will learn some things here. Being degraded for so many years and lied to, twisted in knots, etc - the whole gamut, I can say that its been nice to sleep here under the protection of my friend and her husband. I have rented out my place and one day will be able to return 'home'. Til then, I will consider where I am living AND this site my home away from home. thanks for reading.

PS..I need to change the sheri@@hot name (long story) HELP