Got my discard today...complete mess

I haven't posted in quite some time. Basically, I was still caught up in all the drama of my narc. Still in denial but always knowing what he is in the back of my head but still doubting I guess to give me hope. Well today is the final discard and I get it now. I finally get it. It was like talking to a stranger how coldly patronizing and at times blunt he was. He told me he never loved me, he doesn't love me and I was in so many words a $#@! Buddy for the past two years. Go figure!!! I feel like those situations get more respect and don't try to control one another. They could care less, right? Usually both parties know what the relationship is. A #$@% buddy doesn't ask you to marry them, right? Oh but he forgot about that and began to tell me I made that up. I actually questioned myself for a second. He did say I can come over and have sex once in awhile if I want but just know we aren't back together. I said no way. I have never felt so used in my entire life, I feel lower than low right now. I feel like did I make up our whole relationship in my head. I must have the way he presented it. He actually said I better not tell my friends and about our relationship because he does need eople thinking he's a dickhead. I so want to expose him because he has such a fan club (who he uses and hates and makes fun of) but I wouldn't because he made an indirect threat that if I do it won't be good. I need so much support right now. I physically feel sick to my stomach that I ever let this monster touch me never mind love him profusely.