Trigger time

The breakup happened one week before exams last term. Here we are again, exam week, and it's all getting stirred up.

Crying walking to school, crying at my desk, I even dreamed about her last night. In the dream it was where the relationship was on the way out, I'm clinging to hope, and she's stringing me along - pretending to offer something, while really giving nothing.

I woke up and lay in bed thinking about all this. Wondering if every exam week I'll be suffering, well of course I will, that's exam week in a nutshell. ;) Anyway . . . was thinking about the end of the relationship, how I just kept hanging on, hoping we could work it out. How she pretended to care, pretended to . . . all that crap, you know. Keeping up the facade until the final blow was struck, and at last she didn't need to pretend anymore.

Briefly I was thinking, could there have been a chance, what could I have done? But of course that's just the backward thinking, backward moving of the trigger effect, taking me to places I left behind, places much better left behind. I know there was no chance, no hope for that, and so much better off to be free. Free!

Well it's going to be a tough week, and whatever happens I'll still be breathing at the end of it. Looking forward to a fresh start in one week.