Life after N

To the new members here, I just want to share some things I learned along the way. I started to disentangle myself 1 year into that "non-relationship" relationship. That was 1 year of still pinning for him. And, now I am almost 1 year NC.

I was at the same place where you ladies/gents are right now. It doesn't matter if you have just recently walk away, 1 month NC, 4 months or even 6 months further along, I have been there. Unfortunately, the same stories but just different names. I really, really thought I would be forever living in that misery.

So, here are some of the lessons and my journey:

- I hit many bottoms when I thought there could not possible be another bottom. Last year on my birthday was THE D & D! From that day on, I decided to finally walk away. I've finally had enough. I swear, that same day was the beginning of my new life.

- I had to dig deep. I knew I was going to feel lonely. I knew there were going to be bad days. I took advantage of whatever help that was available to me: posting on this site where I am surrounded of people who can empathize with me; my family; my friends; therapy; sessions w/ Goldie; group; and took solace in my job

- Started to step out of my box more. I was more social. Forced myself to make new friends. That first year was spent on traveling every other month.

- I focused on myself, physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally. I had to rebuilt them brick by brick.

- Time does not heal all wounds. Reading and understanding alone is not enough. I had to combine all these three things.

Which leads to the following things I did since that time:

- put more blocks to my blocks
- take one day at a time
- try to stay at the present moment as much as possible; thinking of the future was anxiety-inducing. Looking in the past kept me stuck and ruminating
- read this site and read other sites
- changed my routine no matter how small. If I brush my teeth in the morning first, I changed that to loading my laundry
- cry when I have to
- take some breaks from healing

I want to thank journey, spinning, hunter, other members such as DS and truthbeginstoday and many more for holding my hand, listening to me and just being there. 'Hope this helps.

Life is truly amazing once I cut this N! I can't wait to post my 1 year update very soon!