Addiction?

Addiction takes meany forms, anything that gives a euphora/temporary bliss/escape..but is toxic..pulls the rug out from beneath you...and can still lure you back in, again and again is an addiction. A person can be an addiction. And the withdraw can be very challenging. Regardless of the pain some people can bring, the storm they stir up, they also brought a vitality that is missed when they inevitably leave again. Everything else seems so dull. It was intoxicating to want something so much, to finally reveal the details of your life. He painted the picture you wanted. He wanted all of your vulnerabilities.and for the first time in your life, you caved in..jumped in. All fences down. It was intoxicating to keep feeling a hope when this addictive person would return and go and return..to sacrifice your own pride and the warnings of all friends and family..to give this addiction another chance. After the 3 or 4th shock..the routine was set..but logic is hard to follow when you have your heart on the line. But when you are left with your bags packed for this "amazing" life #7 you were promised, this high..you would get from his reappearance every few months..his gifts, his swooning in, his manipulation..you look at the hoops you jumped through, for someone who is a shadow of himself, an image..a drug. Someone who walks off as if you were a hiccup. Someone whose inner turmoil has pushed away everyone that is real. Someone always in fight or flight. And he runs..with No looking back, no empathy, no concern..for the women or children he leaves in the dust.. like a drug that doesnt care about its impact but hopes you will still buy it. He knows you may be the only person who will still answer down the road..so why put in the effort now when you are so easily rebought. He knows you rescued him and loved the good bad and ugly. He knows. But you finally let that person swim or drown on his own. You walk off the ride. Fixing this person is not your job and it will not heal things from your past. He is not the person he projected. So you walk off. For good. And see it for the show that it was..a great big show with lots of fireworks. The same show he will put on for every pretty face for at least a couple more decades if he can at his age. Still the addiction is hard to block out, he is smart..he cries he needs you , he may kill himself, you are his "only real friend"..please pick up..hes "changed" a better "christian," a broken man in need of your kindness, no longer seeing whatever new flower was picked up..because no one was "you."..whichever will work to get you to pick up that phone..even years later.. but you no longer pick up. The number is changed. You realize you are worth a hell of a lot more. In fact , you wonder.how the heck did I become a person who would stand for this...when you never had before..And you pray for his next ideal mate, that maybe she wont get on the hook so quick. And you do pray for him too, life does not give us too many chances to heal and help ourselves so we can love. And while I know my life is full of real love, which is why Ive grieved this loss..because it was very real for me....I do feel bad for those who only have images..one day those images will be old and gray and left with nothing but memories of the very few who gave a shit. Losing yourself for a while is ok, as long as you find yourself again. Glad that at least Ive resurfaced and kicking the habit.