Triggers

I just finished an article in the Huffington Post (3/21/14) written by Lea Grover. It is in the Women's section, called "Sexual Harrasment: It's Not Cute".

This is a well written piece, and articulates a feeling I have had for a long time. It also triggered unpleasant memories I had from my N relationshits. It took me to a time of discomfort, a time where I was made to feel like an overly sensitive party pooper, like a woman who was in denial about her sexuality. It took me to a time where I was attempting to date again, hoping to find someone who was not a N, when I became so disgusted with garden variety jerks I just decided it was not worth the effort. It captures what has happened to our culture, where there is no respect or sense of decorum, or appropriate behavior. Most disturbing of all, for me, it reflects an attitude that I believe permeates male/female relations -- an air of entitlement that men have when talking to or even just thinking about women. If we cannot figure out a way to bridge this gap, or repair this attitude, I do not see how we can ever hope to improve the male/female dynamic.

When I remember these dark days in my past, and when I read the continuing struggles of Newbies and Recovering members on the forum, I get a sense of disbelief and outrage that we were treated the way we were. We instinctively know we have value -- but when we are treated this way we are put into a CD state where we are made to feel guilty because we don't want to be treated this way. It is such a patronising put down to be thought of and spoken to and treated this way. Lea Grover sums it up with a conclusion: "Its about a mentality held by somebody else that I am an object. A source of entertainment or pleasure. But not a human being."

Most days now I am at peace. Believe me, I will never forget some of the mistakes I made or the pain I endured. But I have managed to get to a place where I respect myself and have firmly entrenched values and boundaries to protect myself. Sometimes I would like some companionship, and logic tells me there have to be some worthwhile males available on the planet that I have not met, yet. But when I am at work, or shopping, or at a public event, and I witness behavior as it is described in this article, it makes me sad. I refuse to despair, because to despair is to give up hope and I believe that hope sustains us and gives us reasons to move forward in our lives. But, so far, it has not given me the impetus necessary to propell me into the dating world again. At least by myself I have found peace.

I know there are some good men available -- I read some of their posts on this forum, or in articles or books they write. I have two son's of my own that I did not raise to hold this type of attitude toward women. I don't know what else I can do to make this better, either. As Lea Grover says at the end of her article "I have no idea what I can do about that."

Any ideas you would like to share???