my story

Where to begin?????
I've known this guy since we were around 16yrs old.(I'm 43 he's 44) Although our paths crossed occasionally, we knew the same people etc, we never really had any one on one contact until around 2 years ago when I bumped into him while I was out walking my dog. He had moved into a gorgeous house that I had noticed had been completely renovated and was walking his dogs on the field across from it. We joked that I'd said I'd been noseing at all the work done and he invited me in to have a look. At the time I thought he was still married but he was quick to tell me that he had divorced and that he had a girlfriend that lived in a place called Harrogate, an upmarket town around an hour's drive from where we live. He said he spent his time split between running his business from our town and going up there on the weekends. He was very keen to show off his house and it is a beautiful house on probably the best road in our town. I know he did well for himself financially (unlike a lot of men I read about on here) but didn't realise how well off he was. I came to find this was probably how he was able to behave the way he did.
Anyway I saw him (by chance) a few times after that whilst walking my dog. He also runs his business literally 100m around the corner from where I live. In the June of 2012 whilst out with my dog I bumped into him, he told me that he and his gf had split and that it hadn't worked out. To be honest I was quite pleased, I had picked up on this weird chemistry that we had going on whenever we saw each other and despite his obvious arrogance, cockyness and playful teasing I actually found him a bit shy and nervous around me. He told me he had always had a crush on me and to be honest I had with him too. He asked if I would start cutting his hair for him (it's my job) obviously I said yes and gave him my number.
And then it began!!!!!!!!
He text a few days later to book an appointment for his hair cut..cancelled the next day said he had a meeting. Text me a few days later to see if I fancied going for a walk with our dogs so I did. We got on like a house on fire, we come from the same family backgrounds and although I run my own business, own my own house, car. Financially we were worlds apart. He's money driven, orinated, money is power to him. He has since said that if he didn't behave the way he does he said he'd be skint. Thus justifying his behaviour.
We continued to go on a few dates, nothing flashy, just walking the dogs and going out for food but talked and talked all the time. A friend then told me about he had come to be divorced. Turned out he had been having a 4 yr affair with his best friend's wife!!!!! I also know his best friend and his wife was the one who was up in harrogate. I asked him about it, he told me it was the worse thing he had ever done in his life and he truly regretted the pain it had caused everyone involved and that if he could turn back time he he would. But he also blamed his ex wife for not paying him the attention he reckoned she should had and that he couldn't help that he had fallen in love with her. I asked him if it was over he said yes, it would never work and that he only stayed with her as long as he had to prove to people that it was true love even though in cold light of day it wasn't. AND I BELIEVED HIM!!!!!!!
Now I need to point out that I'm a very independent woman, everything I have I have worked hard for. I have raised a beautiful girl of 25yrs old and had an amazing relationship with her. I have a great loving family,great friends who I see often. Never particularly went out on random dates as I always said if there wasn't an immediate attraction it was pointless. I did always secretly dream that I would be completely swept off my feet and finally at 42 I felt my time had arrived. And literally by a man that was on my doorstep.
So all's good, for a couple of weeks,everything's great, everything! Then Bam! Out of the blue he wants to talk, he said he had a lot going on in his life with work Tec, he also said he hadn't got things sorted financially with the ex wife and that was a burden he said that was holding him back from moving on with his life and that he didn't think he could give me what I wanted. I hit back,how could he know what I wanted? We'd been out a few times, had a great laugh but it was very early days I pointed out.but that was fine I told him if that was how he felt well no worries,and i got up to leave and my God, I wish I had and never looked back but he asked me not to go and that he was really starting to fall for me and it had scared him. I BELIEVED HIM...
So you can now see what's going to happen, we were great for a few weeks then BAM! Get a text to say he needed to be on his own, busy working etc.... I would never contact him when he did this, too proud, I would always think, if he misses me he'll come back, and he always did. Full of apologies, remorse an all that and I would just be glad he did. Every time he would tell me a bit more about himself, he has epilepsy, he suffers depression, anxiety and paranoia brought on by the fear of an epilepsy attack. He takes medication for this so I took time to research it and came to the conclusion that this MUST be the reason for his erratic behaviour. I immediately had this overwhelming need to take care of him and promised him I would do so.
I feel like I'm going on a bit but I need you all to understand why I feel I stayed with this man as long as I did.
We would be ok for a bit but I was always careful not to rock the boat. I'm a very outspoken person, I say it as it is but found with him I couldn't. I lost weight, family and friends commented on this, he would say I looked better for it but to be honest I was beginning to feel drained. I'm gonna list things he said/did.

Would tell me I was stunning but not as stunning as I was when I was younger....
Would tell me I was Bonny, not sexy looking, said he preferred sexy looking girls.
Would constantly tell me how great his ex wife was, never mentioned the ex gf in harrogate
Would tell me about all the gifts he bought them, Rolex watches, designer handbags, clothes etc and maybe he would buy them for me one day???? WTF?? It was never about his money for me I was actually uncomfortable about him talking about it.
Would text me to say he wanted to be on his own and not contact me for days/ couple of weeks. He always came back to me.
Got a big contract for a job in london and said he would have to go down there some weekends to oversee things..ALARM BELLS I CAN HEAR!!!!
Go to London, maybe send odd text maybe odd phone call, maybe nothing....
Be off with me on his return, then over nice, then off again.
Constantly telling me that his behaviour towards me was because he was stressed with work, still hadn't sorted finances with ex wife but he loved me and was sorry and that when the London job was finished he would take us both on holiday, told me to choose somewhere nice.....
Was really off with me on Xmas day, came to my sister's with me became very anxious before hand but relaxed, apologised said it was because he didn't have his 2 sons with him and when I said that next year we would have them with us he said we wouldn't be together next Xmas.....on Xmas day!!!!! Then apologised again but gave me the silent treatment for the rest of the night.
Continued to go to London, probably every other weekend til the job finished in Feb 2013. Meanwhile I'm busy getting excited about the idea that we will be going away and that we can have some much needed quality time together.
I developed a great relationship with his family, his dad had died a year earlier, I never got to meet his dad, my bloke always said his dad would have loved me. His mum had developed early symptoms of Alzheimer's and he had struggled with this but as my grandma has it I found it easy to communicate with her and got on well with her, I still do. His sons, 20 and 7 are great, especially the older one we have a great relationship. But my daughter......she hated my bloke, none of my friends cared much for him either and he never did anything to rectify any of this either.
So....the job finished in London....then BAM! The same text, ending it all again...this time for good (he said). I wasn't accepting it this time I wanted answers... he decided to tell me that although I was an amazing person and that he would always love me he still had feelings for his ex wife...well I knew I couldn't compete with that so decided that although I was absolutely devastated I had to get over it. Didn't hear from him for a couple of weeks and I bumped into his son, he told me his dad was on holiday, I said with your mum? He looked confused and said no. He was with his ex from harrogate, I was floored. Turned out he'd started things up with her again or maybe never really ended things with her in the first place.
So I set about putting my life back together, it was hard but I had great friends and family. I booked my own holiday but wasn't due to go until june and it was only April. I went out with my friends but was too scared to relax and drink too much in case I rang or text him. I was very good with the no contact at this stage but he also hadn't contacted me so I hadn't really had the chance to put it to the test.
So what happens, I see him, in his car, I was walking the dog and then it all starts all over again, tells me he missed me, he realised that now. Wanted to marry me, wanted me to move in with him (he knew I loved that house) said that harrogate was a form of escapism for him with the stresses of work and his depression and that what he had with her wasn't real life, not what we had. Promised he wouldn't see her again and I believed him. So my daughter, mum were furious with me for going back to him and this caused great friction between us. Meanwhile I thought our relationship was back on track but I had my holiday booked with my friend and reluctantly had to go. He rang twice a day while I was away saying how much he missed me, loved me and that when I got home we could start the beginning of the rest of our lives together. I BELIEVED HIM.
He had booked a holiday for us for August I couldn't wait, but 2 weeks before we were to go BAM I got a call from him saying he was sorry but he was still in love with his ex gf and went up to harrogate to her. Came home after a day and said he'd made a mistake and that we were going on holiday. I'd decided that this holiday was make or break for us and that if we had time on our own to be together he would finally realise once and for all that I was good for him. I used to blame this other gf for our problems, I would think if she would just stay out his life we could be happy. I realise now that she isn't the problem, he is. We had an amazing holiday but had to come back to reality. We carried on til 2 weeks before Xmas last year then I got the usual text again. He went back to her of course. By this time I was expecting it. He was right, we wouldn't be together at Xmas. I spent it on my own, it was what I wanted. Redecorate in January to keep myself busy. Was doing really well, ignored texts, phone calls, politely waved at him when I've seen him then he turns up on my doorstep. Being the outspoken person that I am I find it hard to keep my mouth shut and set about telling him about how I think he is an n, he finds it quite amusing. He also thinks I'm right about a lot of things I've said is wrong with him. Wants to try again, says he's in a better place, settled things with ex wife financially which means he can give me all the things we talked about and promised. I reluctantly agreed to spend some time with him, WHY CAN'T I JUST SAY NO???? That was last weekend, it felt strange, I couldn't relax, I was scared of letting go. He sensed this too. I think he thought I would just fall into his arms. So I've had the silent treatment all week and guess where he is this weekend...you got it...HARROGATE.....