My Story, aupuri

I had been with a N for about a year. We just broke up 2 weeks ago. I am still in shock. When I met him, I was still in a 2.5 year long distance relationship. My then boyfriend was facing jail time for his second DUI and I had just found out that he had been soliciting prostitutes when we were apart (I saw him once every month or 2 months). I was incredibly vulnerable. I met my N through my cousin. He was good friends with my cousin's boyfriend. Me and my cousin are really close, like sisters. So I trusted her judgement. My N immediately latched on to me. He was so kind and understanding. However, he pressured me into a relationship almost immediately. I did not feel right about entering a new relationship without first healing from my previous one, but he was persistent. I am extremely co-dependent, and the thought of being alone terrified me, so I reluctantly succumbed to his advances. The first few months were so amazing. He constantly complimented me, took care of me, and told me how lucky I was. He said he loved me and that he wanted to marry and have my children. I couldn't believe how lucky I was. However, over time, I started noticing inconsistencies in his stories. He kept changing the story about his ex girlfriend. He also was estranged from his family and did not really have any friends. I didn't understand why. He was attractive, charming, and incredibly successful (he is an investment banker). At first I dismissed these inconsistencies and just focussed on how lucky I was to find such a good catch. About 5 months into the relationship he quit his job (I later found out that he had lied, and that he had actually been fired). That is when everything started to change. He started becoming very emotionally abusive. He broke up with me over 20 times in a matter of 6 months. I would always chase after him, beg him to take me back, and apologize (even though I never really knew what I did to cause him to leave). He saw the pain he was putting me through, but he was never remorseful. He would just watch me as I emotionally broke down. A few times I caught him recording me while I was crying with his cell phone. Whenever I would bring up how he had hurt me, he would fly into fits of rage. I begged him to change, I asked him why he hated me, what I could do better. He would never respond. He would just blame me for his rage. Soon, his fits of rage started becoming more frequent and more violent. The last night I saw him, he choked me, ripped open my shirt, and then pulled a metal towel rack off of his wall and beat me in the ribs. He never apologized. He just asked me if I was going to call the cops. I was bawling and in so much pain. I shook my head to indicate that I wouldn't call the cops. He left me crying on the street corner with my shirt ripped open. I haven't seen or heard from him since. I was convinced it was all my fault. I called, texted, emailed, and begged him to take me back. I apologized. I said I would change and that I forgave him for what he did. No response. I later found out that he had been lying to me since the beginning. He had made up lies about my family members in order to separate me from them. I finally realized how controlling he had been. After speaking with my cousin, I found out that after he had left me on the street corner, he went back to his apartment and punched himself in the face. He then took a picture of it and sent it to my cousin's boyfriend and claimed that I had hit him. I was in shock. I miss the man he used to be. And I wish that I could have him back so much. It hurts inside. I feel so alone. I have been NC for a few days, and it is getting better. But I still feel like a part of me is missing. He lives right across the street, and it hurts that I can't see him. He doesn't want anything to do with me. I just don't understand why he is acting this way and why I still care about him. I want closure but I know I will never get it. I am just trying to take it one day at a time.