Rage

I've been doing well lately in terms of obsessing. My mood hasn't been great but the sadness and depression had lifted. I don't why, maybe it was a dream I had, but I feel so angry today. I've been crying, not out of sadness, but out of resentment. He and her are having a baby in May and a wedding in June. I handled the pregnancy news better than I thought I would but it's still so hard. I'm pissed that he gets to be happy and gets everything he wants despite being hateful and cruel. This is someone who's an admitted pathological liar with no capacity for empathy or remorse. He uses people and tosses them out like garbage. He slept with my best friend (former) and when I cried he got angry and told me to shut up or leave because it was my friend's fault because she came after him. He proposed to me and put a $1800 engagement ring on my finger but now says it was "nothing" and that "we just had a high school relationship" even though we were in our twenties when it happened. At times now, I question whether we were together or if I'm just insane and making it up in my mind. I've even had friends or family confirm that we were together, that we were engaged, and we lived together. He acts as if I never existed, our history means nothing. He came back a year ago, telling me he wanted me back only to dump me with little explanation. When I tried to get closure, tried to ask why, he told me he didn't have time to discuss it and how hard he was trying "not to be an asshole". He denied all he told me and made me feel like I was delusional. Why does he get to be happy? All the pain he's caused, to myself and others, and he gets a wife, a baby, and a white picket fence? I'm sorry for ranting but I haven't felt like this for a long time and I just needed to get it out. What do I do with all this rage?