My Story Clearer Clouds

Hi Everbody. I recently educated my self of NPD and feel like I may be a victim of it. Warning this is a long story long, so bear with me. I was in a 6 year relationship with a year gap that started when I was 14 and ended about a year ago. My ex-boyfriend at first seemed like a perfect catch but there were signs that I failed to listen to my intuition about.

When I met him , I had already been going through a rough time. My mother believes my dad has NPD, which I'm not completely sure of because he has always tried to help me with any problem or issues. He does have a very inflated self esteem and would get angry when my brothers and I defied him. Growing up, I was always the precious daughter, my oldest brother he would shower with attention, and my middle brother was emotionally neglected to some degree I think. My dad would schedule our weekends on my oldest brother's soccer meets and social activities, always giving him more money on holidays and not punishing him if he did something bad. Needless to say our relationships with out father is complicated.

When I was 13 I developed an eating disorder. At the time I always looked at my mom as the parent who didn't care. She would work all the time and never really spent the time to talk to me what was going on. I now have a much better relationship with her. My father would tell me that she was the reason for him losing money during the divorce and she attempted to kill him, etc. During this time my dad had become homeless, he is a physician who lost all his money in the divorce and insisted on only running a private practice. He would tell me that he thought my mom was giving me diet pills to make me lose weight.

Going back to my last relationship, it got far worset in the last couple years. My ex did not get a long with any of my friends except for the ones that were sensitive like myself. He would constantly tell me I was the most beautiful girl and that we were better than others. He would call constantly and get upset when I wasn't giving me enough attention. He would resent me for male attention that I got and would constantly tell me that I was too nice, but terrible to him. During this time I lost most of my friends as he caused me to believe that they didn't
t have my best interest and they were dumb, less pretty, etc. During this time apparently he called one of my friends telling her that he was attracted to her when he was intoxicated one night. He denied every moment of it without any question. My friend, keep in mind also has a somewhat manipulative personality so I enever knew who i could trust.

He would stop going to school and everytime they saw eachother she would glare at him and he would act like nothing happened, refusing to show their conversations they shared on facebook. I remember one time she texted him out of the blue , like they had been talking for a while and he brushed it off like it was nothing. These lies would somehow reappear throughout our relationship. The first time we broke was because he left an email open between himself and this online girl saying she was pretty . When I approached him about it, he turned it around saying I had no sex drive and that he wouldn't allow me to throw away our relationship over something so "silly". I was somehow tricked during all of this to believe I was a bad person to him. Meanwhile he would get in confrontations almost everywhere we went, calling waitresses nasty names

We ended up breaking up for six months and I did somethings that he would later use against me. I dated other people while still trying to be his friend, but I was open about it. He later went on to date a girl and he called me to tell me how great and beautiful she was and they were perfect for eachother. We somehow got back together and when I came back his mother who also I think showed those traits kept telling me how beautiful this girl was that he dated and how I will never find a man as good looking as him. I forgot to mention that she stole my phone when we were broken up and made up information him about "all the men " I had been texting.

Once we got back together things only got worst. He started to scare me. He was a very talented filmmaker and he had created a film that he was convinced was a master piece and he was better than any other filmmaker. When he started submitting them to competitions he was convinced he'd win each and everyone of them. During this time he borrowed money from multiple different people, including myself and I don't believe he ever payed them back . He was also facing a 10,000 lawsuit. At one of the competitions he got so enraged he didn't win, that he aggressively confronted the founder calling him a f**got and screaming it to the crowd that the man must have not seen his film. Somebody congratulated him for his screening and all he could say was " i should have won". At this point it was clear that he needed help and pleaded with him to get some. He started acting more aggressively with me , grabbing my wrist when he was angry and calling me a slut for dating other people when we were broken up. So many countless instances. I was only able to walk away when he did something so terrible that I never could have fathomed.

He went to a park with his siblings to run and he had an engagement that he needed to make it to. He kept telling his sister to hurry up and called her names for walking too slow. She started walking slower because he was being rude to her and then he grabbed her arm to get her to walk faster, meanwhile ripping her dress. A man witnessed this and confronted him and he got so upset at the man that he pulled down his pants and exposed himself to the man grabbing his genitals. This is when I knew that I had to leave him.

It surprised me looking back that it took all that for me to never talk to him again. I feel a bit ashamed of it and saddened he turned into this person. When I broke up with him, he said things that permanently stuck in my brain. He told me that I was going to become dumb and constantly let men take advantage of me and that I had no sex drive or respect for him , before that telling me how he loved me and that he would marry me.

For the last year I feel as though my confidence has gotten so much better and I've been able to make so many new friendships but I find myself sinking into depression, over analyzing my consistent fears of relationships and men in general. I sometimes feel worthless. I thought I was over it but somehow I accidentally added him on facebook on my phone and when I saw he accepted it I ended up crying about it because it brought back so many repressed feelings. I think I have a long road ahead of me but I'm hopeful it will be alright. I'm so thankful for my supportive friends and family that helped me get though it. Anyways thank you for reading this and nice to be on here.