My Story Happygirl62

My story is so similar to all of the other stories.......
Newly seperated at 48 years old, he made me feel so safe and so protected...I felt like I was being truly loved for the first time in my life. He told me that I was beautiful and told me he loved me ( way too quickly ) He told me that he wanted to marry me even though I told him that I did not think that I would ever want to get married again.

He was ALWAYS there any time that I called him, he would come over immediately to help. I saw red flags and pushed him away. He said that he was afraid for me to lose him. He told me that because I had 3 children that I would never be able to find someone else...he said that he would wait for me to sort things out and that he would be there for me. I tried to stay away.

I started feeling the intense anxiety when I ran out of gas ( for the first time in my life ) downtown
( an area that I am not familiar with, but he was ) I texted and called and texted and called and no answer...a lot of no responses from him over a period of time...he would tell me that he was no longer carrying his phone. I felt more alone than I have ever felt in my life.

If he had never come into my life, I would have been fine in any of these situations. But because he had been soooo available to me, I now felt like I could not survive without him there to help me. Even though I had initially pushed him away, I now desperately wanted him back in my life... I HAD NO IDEA that he was a Nercissist!!

I am in therapy now & learned that my STBXH and father were both Narcissists....so I started researching and reading everything that I could get my hands on re: N...I was shocked to see that my Prince Charming was probably a Covert Narcissist!

He did confide in me that he was molested as a little boy. The first time I decided to get him out of my life, I began thinking of the fact that he was molested ( and he told me that he had never discussed it with anyone before telling me ) So I started thinking about this adorable little wounded boy, and I allowed myself to get sucked back in. I felt like I could not abandon him.

I would have never believed that he was a Narcissist because he did not fit the traditional N description.

I was shocked how quickly he replaced me with another newly divorced woman after me. I saw a card from her at his house that said "Thanks for all that you do for me....I "heart" you.....So he obviously was using the same approach with her......damsel in distress with Prince Charming coming to the rescue..... He did try to keep one foot in the door with me after he started seeing her, but I quickly told him that he was not going to be romantic with me if he was being romantic with her. After that time, he never tried to initiate anything with me again. He did continue to stay in my life for a little while after that in the role as "friend" ...but he always seemed angry...he was no longer the same. I do wonder if he is a true Narcissist or if he just has N traits.

When I met him, he told me that he had been a Heathen his whole life and that he was the president of the "He Mans Woman Haters Club" but that since his dad died, that he felt like he was becoming more and more like his Dad and that he wanted to become a better man. He was VERY sweet to me, but when I would say that he was sweet, he would say, "I'm not sweet"...

He was the only boy with 6 sisters, so I always thought that some of the strange behaviors that I noticed was because he had grown up with so many sisters. Everything was always so dramatic with him....one crisis after another. Asking me to bail him out of one financial emergency after another. Any time that I had to remind him to pay me back it was such a struggle to get the money back. One Christmas he asked me if I would loan him $5000. to get through the Holidays...I told him no. ( I figured that he was just irresponsible with money and he was used to his sister's bailing him out, so he felt comfortable with me bailing him out... The following year, he tried it again. I allowed him to put a large purchase on my credit card and he was to give me post dated checks in return. When the checks finally arrived in the mail, the first two checks were written correctly. The remainder of the checks could not be cashed as written... he even wrote one to my first name with his last name.....he was screwing with me!! I confronted him about the checks and he was so nasty! I was totally in shock...I really thought that we were soul mates....I have never felt like such a fool. Almost a year later, when he had started not returning my calls, I decided to cash another one of the checks, it bounced....he was sooooo mad at me because he was charged $70 something in service charges...I had threatened to turn the bounced check over to the DA and he replied with all kind of lies that he was going to tell my STBXH...he was REALLY acting crazy by this point...I ended up feeling bad for cashing the stupid check....how crazy is that?? I really always felt sorry for him because I knew that he was screwed up, but I blamed it on the molestation by his great uncle....now after learning about Narcissists, I am wondering if the molestation was just a lie to suck me in...I question everything during those two years...he had a LOT of friends that were women. Was he secretly sleeping with all of these women? They all looked at me strangely when I arrived on the scene....I was the "public" new girlfriend ( which he claims that he had not had one since his divorce over 10 years prior to that )... I was contacted by a stranger on facebook when I first started doing things with him & they asked me to ask him to please leave their friend A alone....they said that he had done nothing but hurt her for the past 7 years.....so I met with her. She said that he had been using her for a booty call for the past 7 years. She said that she never understood why he never took her out and she had never met any of his friends...she could see him posting pictures of me on facebook and she just wanted him to leave her alone so she could get on with the rest of her life. She told me that he would tell her different things that he wanted and she would end up buying them for him. She was upset with herself and just wanted to be free of him. She even told me that he had gone by her house for a booty call on night after he dropped me home after an event. So I dialed his number and asked him when was the last time that he had sex with her ( while she was listening ) ... when he said that it was before he meet me, I told him that wasn't true because she was standing right there with me and that I knew that he had gone to her house after the Vintage Affair that we had attended. I cannot remember how the conversation ended. But I continued to talk to A and she told me that she had bought him at least 4 pair of Costa sunglasses. I told her that he had left a pair in my car and I gave them back to her. I ended up still seeing him because he had told me that he had been a heathen and that he was changing. He had spoken to A and she told him that she destroyed the sunglasses and he was mad at me for that...she had paid for them and I felt like it was the least that I could do because she had been used so badly for so long.....he really did have charm and could pull you back in with such little effort. He had a 12 year old daughter when I first met him. I heard him asking her several times, "do you want me to be alone for the rest of my life?" I really believe that he fits the description for Covert N.....but so many things are making me wonder if he just has traits? or full blown N?
Do Narcissists ever figure out that they have to change or they will be alone for the rest of their lives?
He was briefly married to a woman whose husband killed himself...did he marry her and leave when the insurance money ran out??
Was he going to try to do the same to me??
The woman that he is with now owns a Hair Salon.... does seem to be a pattern...
I am glad that I saw the red flags and pushed him away.....but it is scary that he was STILL able to make a mess of my life even though I was determined not to allow him to get into my head....