The Importance of Working on You (and how that relates to my Italian adventure)

I ended my N relationship in May of 2012. Getting close to 2 years now . . .

I didn't go back to him after we ended it then, in part because I simply had no more energy for his games and abuse, and in part because he had new supply firmly in place. If I'm honest, the second one carried most of the weight.

I have spend the past 20+ months recovering, healing and working on me. I'm not kidding. I have sought therapy. Read books. Spent countless hours on this site. Dug deep into childhood issues. And stayed far away from any man who so happened to even look twice at me. I swear I had daggers for eyes if any man tried to approach me. I built a wall, and I've held it firmly in place.

At the beginning of January, I took a solo trip to Italy as I've done the past few years to celebrate my independence and singlehood. I like me again, and I enjoy my company - so these solo trips have been amazing times of rest, healing, relaxation and simply enjoying the amazing culture, food, wine and people of Italy.

This year, I met a man. Max. He was my tour driver for the day to the Amalfi coast from Rome, and he was charming, handsome, sexy and funny. For me, that spells danger. But it's been 20+ months . . . so I had fun with it, thinking nothing would really come of this innocent flirtation . . . PLUS, I've worked on me, right? How could I ever be attracted to a narc again in this lifetime??

Well - we spent the day together, and as he approached my hotel in Rome to drop me off from the tour, he handed me his Blackberry, which said, "I would like to see you again. What do you think of that?"

CHAR. MING. My heart skipped a beat, I said yes, and spent the rest of the evening in a whirlwind of red wine, sexy brown Italian eyes, Max's charming smile and the romantic notion of falling in love on a beautiful night in Rome . . .

PUKE. Less than one month later (and several exchanges of texts and Facebook messages) it's become apparent that Max is likely a full-fledged narc. He just told me today about a "sort of relationship" he's been in for five years, but it's only sometimes happy, and his heart is only in it SOME of the time, and he's so sorry, he should have told me about it that day in Rome, but since I live in Cali and he lives in Rome he didn't think it would be "that bad" for us to stay in touch (I didn't tell him that I'm contemplating actually moving there, so for me, staying in touch made sense - sans his girlfriend that I just learned about) . . . BUTTTT . . . he would love to stay in touch and see me when I'm back in Rome at the end of February . . . he could make the "necessary arrangements" to have me even stay at his house, and our texts and messages could remain private - nobody has to know about them, and "I know this makes me a bad person, but I don't regret this," and on and on . . .

Oh, guys - WOW. I'm so disheartened. Obviously I'm not going down this road and all contact with Max is hereby ceasing and desisting . . . but really?? After almost 2 years, the FIRST man I even allow myself to flirt and have fun with ends up being a narc.

So - back to working on me and what in me attracts DBs like this . . . and trying to fix the parts of me that need fixing, apparently. I want so badly to attract and be attracted to a good man one day . . . getting away from your narc is one thing. But it's equally if not more important to work on YOU and what needs healing in you.

It's a journey, for sure . . . one I'm apparently still in the process of.

-Juliette