Nearly 1 Yr of NC but triggered

Its almost a year to the day where I dumped his sorry ass and deleted our extensive digital life together as well.

I should feel great, but I'm spiraling backward, doubting my experience and extremely rageful. There are so many women surrounding him in friendship and all I want to do is out him and make him suffer.

I live a life most people envy full of adventure, art and independence. Inside I'm extremely unhappy and unfulfilled. The reality that I was degraded, whored out and abused for years is not an easy one to carry nor walk away from.

We were friends for years, then clandestine lovers for years, then nothing... when he threatened me with (more) physical abuse this time in public I ended it.

He raped me. Physically, emotionally and spiritually.