Are you "In Love" with Love? Confessions of a Reform(ing) Romantic

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#1 Jan 30 - 12PM
Portia
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Are you "In Love" with Love? Confessions of a Reform(ing) Romantic

Warning - Valentines Day approaching! Another "public" display of affection, or somewhat brutal reminder of being alone if you are not "in a relationship." Expectations of "happily ever after" and "he will show me how much he really loves me" dart through your mind. You find yourself starting to spin and feel that "no one loves me, and no one ever will!"

Advertizing and cultural programing lead us to false conclusions about our worth. It's time to remind yourself that YOU are a valuable, wonderful, caring person. Not perfect in every way, of course, and human and fallible without a doubt, but essentially you care for OTHERS in your life, and give of yourself, so you are much better off by yourself than you would be if the N was still lurking in your life.

A recent post referred to learning the N was in Paris with the OW, and how that made her feel. I remember my own trip to Paris with an N. Perhaps I can make her feel better, because it was NOT the trip of my dreams. Being a romantic by nature, I had wanted to visit Paris most of my adult life. I was pregnant with my first child, and this was my first trip abroad. I was thrilled, and Paris was beautiful However, my wonderful N husband wanted to drink at every meal, and his personality changed for the worse every time he had too much to drink. He also had to sleep the alcohol off, which cut into our time to sight see. He also had hang-overs, which made him so much fun to be with. In those days, I didn't know about Narcissism, but I was learning a lot about alcoholism and selfish behavior. I was in one of the most romantic cities in the world with a selfish, alcoholic jerk!

It was my own expectation of "being on a romantic vacation" that did the most harm. I had not yet learned that my Prince Charming was actually a toad -- although I had plenty of red flags that should have warned me by then. I still was under the delusion that I could "change him" by treating him with love and consideration. I was still smoking the ole hopium pipe, dreaming of a better day. These dreams and fantasies were all part of the delusion and denial that held me captive for so long -- I was my own worst enemy, trying to make something out of less than nothing.

Fair warning to us all -- try to reform your romantic notions of dream vacations and wonderful love with a dose of reality. A change of location does not result in a change of personality (disorder). If we get out of the fog of our delusions, we will enjoy the wonderful things we do have much more. Peace and living within my boundaries is worth much more than trying to live up to false expectations. Nothing wrong with dreaming, of course. Just remember, in the real world you will wake up.

Jan 30 - 10PM
Pumpkin
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Oh yes

Pumpkin

Jan 30 - 6PM
BlairoRoberto
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F¥ckn Valentines !

Jan 31 - 2PM (Reply to #5)
Quixotic
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Cupidity Stupidity

Feb 5 - 5AM (Reply to #6)
aurora
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thankyou

Jan 30 - 8PM (Reply to #4)
TDbfree
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Just another day

Jan 30 - 8PM (Reply to #3)
LisaD123
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Blair

Jan 30 - 9PM
Janie53
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Portia