Learning to trust again

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#1 Jan 23 - 12PM
Missblueeyes
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Learning to trust again

I first off want to say how thankful I am for this site. When I first found this site everything was put into perspective for the crazy train I had been on with my exN. It definetly has been a bumpy ride there is no doubt about that. A whole lot of light bulb moments, lots of time to see exactly why I let someone like him treat me so poorly, why I let it go on for so long and why I would always let him back in my life thinking this time would be different. Coming out of a relationship with these people really takes a real toll on you but now that I look back, him leaving was the best thing he could have done for ME.

My blinders came off and I was able to see so many things I could not see before.I am not the same person today that I was back then I am stronger, less naive and I feel like I got me back if that even makes sense. I come here and read often to help when I hit some bad days because they still happen but definetly not as much as they use to. Now I have no fantasy thinking and I am able to see him for the coward he really is. I use to be so angry and hold alot of resentment but now I feel bad for him...from a distance. I know that he will never have a real loving relationship and his whole life is fake...fake as him and the person he pretended to be. I was hoovered in December..typical to hear from him around the holidays. This time through an email because the poor bastard realized I changed my phone number. So I would come on here and read and read and read because it helped me and kind of empowered me knowing that I can beat this monster with simple indifference and No Contact.

I have been dating and moving on but what I am struggling with now is trust. I know now that trust is to be earned and never just given. I made that mistake once and will never do that again. But Im having a hard time trusting men and a hard time getting involved in something serious. I push them away when I feel them getting close. I have met some really great guys its such a nice feeling to have genuine people back in my life. But maybe Im just scared or a bit hessitant because of the horrific situation I went through with the exN. I feel like I have the great Wall of China guarding my heart to make sure I never get hurt again. Maybe it just takes more time and maybe eventually that wall will come down with the right person.

Jan 23 - 1PM
spinning
spinning's picture

Miss blue, I think

spinning

Jan 23 - 2PM (Reply to #2)
Missblueeyes
Missblueeyes's picture

Thank you spinning..