He still haunts me

It's been over a year of no contact and a year and a half after the D&D. Short version is he was with me for nearly 2 years and threw me away to go back to his ex wife who never left us alone. The manner in which it was done was cruel and not normal. I realize it was triangulation and he got a kick out of her contacting him with hateful, religious and often love letter emails. That is why I will never contact him again. It' would be a major ego stroke to him if i ever did. I' met a wonderful man a year ago (perhaps too soon) who understands how this horrible breakup was not normal and he knows I am still very hurt. He deserves to have a woman with no baggage. This man loves me genuinely with all his heart and I find myself hurting because I am not there 100% from my soul. I feel stuck. Not even my late husband passing away has affected me so deeply. Why?

I thought I was over it but for some reason lately I find myself obsessing about him and his ex wife . I don't think it has worked out with them but, they always had high drama break ups. He left me when he found out she had another man. They will probably involve some other poor woman in their ongoing toxic relationship.It hurts to know that our relationship was thrown away so easily for one that hasn't worked many times.

I go from happy to sad and then to anger. I know the best thing I did for myself was not contacting him but I just wish he would not haunt my thoughts anymore. I want to not think thoughts of him any more. I want to love innocently again without fear or doubt. I want to not hear a song and remember the times I had with him. I want to not wonder if he thinks about me and who I'm with. Why after all this time am I still angry?

I am so sick of it