He is Trying to RECYCLE Me After 4 Years No Contact!

I have not been here in a very, very long time!
This forum helped me heal myself, and I was able to get my N out of my life and move forward. I have been really happy and my life has been full..

My ex-N had completely disappeared. None of his old friends had heard from him in 2 years.. There were rumors that he had died. He had changed all his phone numbers and e-mail addresses.

Suddenly, this Christmas I rec'd a text from an unknown phone number.. It was him! My initial feelings were excitement!! Funny, after all this time, the old thrill that I used to feel with him went surging through me.. It felt like elation..Scary, right???? He knows all the buttons to push. He remembers EVERYTHING about me and our relationship. And I mean every detail.. down to how I brush my teeth.

After the initial contact, he started to call me frequently and I was answering. Our conversations are getting longer and longer and lasting for hours.. I feel like he is luring me back.. He is acting like 4 years have not passed, as if he has just seen me yesterday! He does not have any perception of all the time that had passed.

He told me that he saved all my pictures and all of the things that reminded him of me in his safe, and he had taken out all of it and reminiscing. He said it was never over for him with me. Saying it was "always me".. He is saying all the right things.. and trying to lure me back as if there was no separation. I felt myself being charmed, but then I started to feel very uncomfortable. My skin started to crawl..

I suddenly remembered everything. I remembered that I was only his supply, and logic and reason said that he must be short on it these days.. maybe even desperate for it..

After 4 years, he is moving Fast Forward and trying to get me to go on a trip with him..

The worst part of this is that I am feeling sorry for him and somehow need to do something for him. I think he programmed me a long time ago and left something inside me that is being reactivated.

Thank goodness it all came back tonight, because I WAS FALLING FOR IT ALL OVER AGAIN!!!!

It is hard to stop answering his texts and calls because I feel bad for him.. He is really pathetic!

Thanks for being there and listening to this rant.. Now will you all please tell me NO MORE CONTACT..

One more thing.. he was so smooth and expert at obtaining supply 4 years ago.. NOW AT THE AGE OF 60 HE IS A MASTER AT IT.

Why was I so excited to hear from him? I think I am still waiting for validation that I was more than just his supply.. and all his sweet talk feels like the validation I was always waiting for.. BUT.. my brain knows he is trying to trick me into falling for it all over again.

They never really go away.

WOW.