My Story Neverhis

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#1 Jan 11 - 8AM
neverhis
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My Story Neverhis

Hello,

My name is Nicole* and I have a bit of an unusual Narc story. I was actually never in a romantic relationship with my Narc. I just moved to a new city and I met him at the store one day. He was drop dead gorgeous and charming. There was no doubt we were physically attracted to each other.Flash forward a few months later, and he was living in my home. At the time I met him, he was in Rehab for drug addiction. First red flag! But then, I still wanted to get to know him and look past his issues. He left rehab early and got a place of his own, shortly after, he called me up saying his landlord kicked him out and he needed a place to stay for 2 weeks until he found a roommate.

Well, that 2 weeks turned into 10 months. During the time he stayed with me, he would do nice things like cook, clean ,etc. But then he would go off on binges occassionaly. And silly me, wanting to play "rescuer" I would always let him come back in and live. I didn't want him "dying" to be over my head. He would crave attention from me, even though he had an on/off girlfriend that lived in another state. He would constantly put her on a pedalstal and make grandiose statements about them getting married. He even told me if he doesn't marry her, he will marry me. He would constantly give her praise all day long. I was at the point where I was like if she is so great, why don't you go live with her? And, he said it was against her religious beliefs. I was so angry, because here I am taking care of this Narc. While he puts me down, and glorifies what he claims to be "his one true love" . But, I digress. I can't play victim, because I allowed it. He even got upset that I went out for a weekend without him, even though I invited him. He stated that I didn't care about him anymore. He was always like that whenever his EX didn't give him attention, he would come run to my arms. And, when I didn't give him attention or got busy with my own life, he would bombard his EX. I even chatted with her a few times to see if she can come and get him. She didn't. I heard some of their conversations, and he would always glorify me to make her jealous. But then he says he wants her and I to be friends because we are so much alike. Now, he has returned back to his hometown and is trying to get his life together. Apparently, him and his ex are back together and talking about getting married and having a baby. However, he still contacts me via email everyday and sometimes we chat on the phone.

I admit I was kind of jealous that he got back with his ex. I dealt with a lot of his bullshit, and she didn't want anything to do with it. And now that she wants a baby, he can do no wrong in her eyes. I kind of feel sorry for her though, because I tried to tell her so many things, and she just turned a deaf ear. I feel like she should have been the one dealing with his bullshit.

I am realizing that I didn't have feelings for him. I thought I did. But, I just loved the attention he gave me. I quickly found myself in a co-dependent relationship and didn't even know it. We were just way too close, and did a lot of things unromantic couples shouldn't do. I am not talking about sex, but I am talking about I didn't set boundaries. When he would feel sad, I let him sleep in my room, sometimes I would cuddle with him when he was sad. ( Mind you we can only cuddle when he wanted to). I would be his rescuer at every time. Demanded him to go to AA meetings and even went with him. etc, etc.

I was heart-broken when he made the decision to go back to his hometown. But, I know it was the best decision for both of us. And, he told me the reason he went back is because I wasn't giving him enough attention. I explained to him numerous times that I am not his girlfriend, and I can't be 2nd best. How can I put you first, when you always put me 2nd? Now that he is in his hometown, he's back with his ex, and allegedly getting counseling, but he is still communicating with me everyday. He will say a quick hello via email, and if I don't respond in a timely fashion, he will call my phone.

I am glad that he is trying to get his life together, but I am wondering how long will it really last. And, if I should cut off all communication with him. After all, we were never lovers. We always had great chemistry and physical attraction, but we are incompatible in every way.

I am mad at the fact that he is talking about marriage and children, when he should be talking about therapy and rehab. But, I digress, that's the co-dependent coming out and I have to learn how to let go and not try to control his life anymore.

Jan 11 - 12PM
Done sourcing
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Have you heard the expression

Jan 11 - 12PM (Reply to #4)
neverhis
neverhis's picture

Thanks

Jan 11 - 10AM
Hunter
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Welcome

Jan 11 - 12PM (Reply to #2)
neverhis
neverhis's picture

Thank you