Callie's story

My Story

Well my story is long with many ups and downs. But, all of our stories start the same. I met the Chameleon on E-Harmony, I was ready to find someone. He blew me away. Even to this day, I remember him walking up to our first date. There was much flirting and mutual interest and admiration. He was attentive and charming and sweet and seemed to have eyes only for me.

Fast forward to dating, he talked a lot about his ex who he seemed at the time to genuinely care about, but was having a hard time getting over her. First red flag.

He was an airline pilot and he took me to Zurich. He was fixated on beautiful lesbians. I think he always wanted me to somehow be one.

First discrard. I went home to Canada for Christmas to be with my family. (I lived in the States and did travel nursing). He was attentive and loving. The night before New Years, he coldly dumped me.

A few weeks later he "did some thinking" (which later turned out to be a pattern for him) and we were back together. This pattern continued and I kept letting him back in. I knew that he probably was with his ex, but had no proof. It wasn't until much later after we bought our house that the proof came. Once it did, I was angry and a pattern of mistrust began. He would seek out other women because I made him unhappy. (I was crazy, too sensitive and insecure).

Crazy things happened. He would cycle between anger, indifference, meanness and affirmations of his love. He would privately tape our conversations and then replay them to show me how crazy I was. (And yes, a couple of times I did sound crazy because he would go from meanness, but also veiled with a calm voice to silent treatment). And yes, it was all done to get a reaction from me.

There would be threats made. He took out a part of my car so that when he told me to leave and I tried, I couldn't. He hid my dog in our garage and made me think she was missing. He ripped up our marriage certificate.... Insults.

It went on. I was isolated. I had no family here, few friends and I was financially trapped as I worked now part time in order to help him with his child.

I did finally leave, but only to be sucked back in again and again. He even had a new girlfriend and even though we were no longer intimate. We kept in touch. Now, I did recognize that things were very wrong and I did start to work on me.

I am not proud, but I still wanted him. I still believed that somehow he still loved me, as why else would he keep in touch? I am not proud, but there were times that he was unfaithful to his girlfriend. But, I justified it as I felt she went after him when we were dating.

Then he left he. And came to me. Repeat again and again. Then I had enough. My father died and this was the hardest time in my life. We still kept in touch, but I was actually trying to get my life together and did not want his scraps anymore.

Then the anniversary of my Fathers death, last year. He had told me he had broken up with his girlfriend a few months prior. Slowly we became a couple again. But, my Fathers death changed me. I really wanted a second chance and I was now in complete denial. I didn't create any drama as I no longer questioned anything. I trusted blindly.

We were going to get married (before we were engaged, but never quite managed to ever get married). Another red flag! We bought our dream sailboat together. Then it came crashing down again. He had taken his ex to Paris and I found out. How did I find out?

Crazy how history repeats itself. He taped conversations of her. He downloaded songs onto my iPod and unknowingly downloaded taped conversations with his "ex" on to my iPod as well. I was listening to the music and all of a sudden "voice memos" came on. They were the taped conversations of his ex and him. About Paris, their life together. So I investigated and confronted him. And now we are done.

For good.

He has gone back to her, or rather I should say, chose her as he never had ended the relationship with her. We both thought that for the past eight months that we were in an exclusive relationship with him. He said in the end he loved her and really never loved me. But then would go back and forth and insult her. (Calling her an alcoholic that made him feel worthless, to a gold digger, to her making him a "dancing monkey" to calling her needy to insecure and a financial mess). But, also that she would forgive him, unlike me.

There are many more details, more love bombing, more abuse. But, this is my story.