My Story vaaly26

Hi all
I previously posted on this forum, was in a five month relationship with N and after wonderful advice and guidance freed myself from the relationship that was only hurtful, I remained NC and can really say that I blocked all thoughts about him and really managed to get over that hurt.Fortunately he went on holiday overseas and also did not contact me at all, that made things extremely easy for me.
Five weeks after the final NC I was contacted on the internet site by a very charming guy with a more charming voice,addressing me so respectful and being a very interesting person we started a terrific telephonic conversation,him finding me interesting and visa versa. We just could not stop communicating and was going on till late at night. He would phone me constantly or texting me and I would not call it love bombing at the time but thinking back that was exactly what it was, me being so vulnerable that I never gave it a thought, I fell for it without any doubt but also realising that this long distance relationship could not work out.
These conversations went on for a week, he then wanted to meet me, although we had initially decided that we live too far apart to get involved but nevertheless we could not stop it once it started, I started missing him and he missed me (so it seemed). Never mentioning his ex being still involved with him nor that they had a difficult divorce at all. She did work for him still but resigned shortly after we started our conversations. The times he mentioned her was briefly and he did not elaborate about any troubles whatsoever, only that he walked out with nothing and she was smiling all the way, everything organised by her son for her benefit only.
We wanted to meet each other badly then, he visited me and it seemed that the attractions were mutual although he told me that she knows about his visit and that she had him confused, being very troubled about him visiting me. He had to switch his phone off because she was constantly either phoning or texting him, eventually told him her car broke and she needed his help. He left very early. Apparently she was also on the internet dating site and already met three guys who did not seem to be her match or maybe she was not their match at all. I suppose her focus went back to him then seeing that she could not attract the guys. Nevertheless he left but turned back to pick me up on my daughters request to drop me off at her place, he did that but a strange atmosphere developed between us, I was quite put off by his performance regarding the ex.
After he dropped me off at my daughters I was under the impression that the relationship would just fade and die,but he did text me again and eventually phoning me and us going back to our previous relationship on the telephone. I then learned that she was still very involved with him as far as phoning everyday and texting all the time and he seemed to be quite happy about that.
But he mentioned that I should visit him and being so attracked to him I decided to go through and started planning for the visit. The evening before I had to leave he phoned me quite upset,told me that he informed her about my visit and that she was so upset and out of her mind about that and that he is so confused, referring more to her grand children that she plays off against him as well, he was very fond of them, he was not sure that I should visit him anymore,knowing that everything was packed and I had to leave early the next morning.
We talked things through and I still went, arriving their he told me that she wants to meet me in person I was not happy to do that at all so she then decided to visit his work and to meet me. We were alone and she immediately confronted me about him, how long are we dating, do we sleep together and informed me that they were married twice and divorced twice but were still sleeping together and never stopped loving each other. Being in shock I immediately told her that I would leave should they want to patch up things between them. She immediately assured me that’s its over now since I am no living with him. Also that they had been divorced only three days when him and me started our telephonic relationship. He told me that they had been divorced 9 months, which was a lie.
She made our lives a living hell from the start by getting anxiety attacks, phoning and texting constantly, forcing him to help her with medicines and then calm down apologise but the following night start the same things again. I was so unhappy and wanted to leave but he was so apologizing and treating me with the greatest respect and adoration, our times we could spend together was absolutely awesome. He did talk about their relationship a lot referring to her as an outstanding woman despite all these hangups and I decided the best thing was to pack up and go and see whether he would even miss me. I was head over heals in love with him, he did not mentioned love but adored me a lot.
I left eventually after being together for 10days, he was really devastated when I left, phoning me that night and was so miserable without me, but kept on saying that he has doubts, he is very confused and is in this turmoil constantly. I wanted more assurance and he could not give me any, I then text him and called off our relationship, he phoned me and talked me back into the relationship again, stupid I believed him and on top of it he had quite a few drinks at the time, he does take quite a few drinks every night and normally does not really know what was discussed the night before, RED FLAG!! But no I would not see that, make excuses for him.
He started asking me pack my things and move there, but the only times he would mentioned that was at night time when he had a considerable amount of drinks, but I thought he knew what he was saying, in the morning a total different story, then his confusion and doubts was the excuse as before.
I broke off the morning of the 1 January 2014 after he promised to talk me into the New Year, he preferred to watch a TV Show instead, but I am convinced that he was on the phone with ex all the time. When he eventually phoned me I was a bit short and he picked me out about that, then I just had enough and told him that he must really find someone better who does not leave him confused etc etc. He told me that’s fine and he was happy, but after some time started to text me without stop, begging me to start packing and to leave immediately, he was by that time not sober at all.
We discussed our relationship and he admitted that he loves me but did find it very hard to admit it, he wanted me to move in with him permanently because he did not want me to leave again¸now I know that its was because its not the truth, I was only there when the ex could not be around or they had a fight. But stupid me started packing, but contacting him the next morning when he was sober again. There his story changed as so many times before, he was short, cold and told me he was very worried about everything, would things work out between the two of us etc etc and could he phone her first of all to ask her whether she would leave us alone. I told him that she had nothing to say anymore and that he should stood by me and leave her out of the picture (what he could not do)

After much thought I unpacked everything and sent him a note that I feel they must get together again and that he was playing a very nasting game with me, wanted me to get packed for him just to let me down the next moment as if he gets some or other kick out of it.
I have cried so much, know I am so stupid to have believed anything he said, should have known better but my heart would not let go of him. Still in so much hurt, my heart is breaking in a thousand pieces and I cannot see the way forward without him, I know by now that NC is the only healing but my everything is reaching out for him. I did ask him never to contact me again and being a very respectful guy this is what he would do, but I do not want that, its so hard to get out of something that you knew could not work out.