My Story nolookingback

I met him 14 years ago. The beginning was wonderful but quickly turned to abuse when I became pregnant with our daughter. She is now 12, and I just left 6 weeks ago. My life has been filled with turmoil I guess making me a good target. I have 2 children from a previous relationship, now age 19 and 17. My son he never really took to, it got so bad he was not allowed to spend the night and I could only see him for 2 hours a week because my N didn't like him. He wasn't allowed over for holidays, birthday parties or nothing. It pains me to even write this. This is one of the first times I've shared my story. The past year has been really rough. I found a brother I lost at 12 and reconnected with hi. My n hated this but he let me go to California to see him. The same day I left my N took off and left my girls alone while he partied with his friends. When I came home he was furious with me for not calling him enough even though he disappeared on the girls and no one could find him. He said horrible things to me, including that he wished my plane crashed. But then he loved me. It was a roller coaster ride from hell. I went through his phone and found sites for local girls on it.... I stayed. I didn't want to believe this was happening. My last two incidents made me go. He physically attacked me the day before Mothers Day because he didn't like my hair cut. He told me he was cheating and had been for 7 months, then he said hen wasn't and he said it to test my live, to make me jealous. The final incident was that he took my phone and verbally and mentally broke me down for 7 hours straight. This was someone. I lived, I gave my heart to. I believed I could love him enough to make him happy and that he would see how much I loved him and stop treating me so bad. He will never change. My Herat is broken in a million pieces.... I had to go. Now he says he changed, he knew what he did was wrong. I can't go back..ever. It's just hard to know that the fantasy is over. There is so much more to say, this is all I can stomach to let out right now.