Looking at the narcissist through your lens

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#1 Dec 18 - 12PM
Goldie
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Looking at the narcissist through your lens

SavingMyself on BB's recent post:

"I think often times we are seeing the narc as we are...kind, compassionate, gentle hearted, hardworking, etc...and we forget to see them as they really are.. .the fact that he has not contacted you is no reflection of you or your worth...it is a blessing in disguise so that you can give yourself the love that you might otherwise waste on him."

This is exactly what I needed too. I feel like he went inside my brain and rewired me to think good things of him and bad things about myself. I'm still wasting time on him with obsessive thinking.

SavingMyself~

Goldie's reply:

We don't solve our problems or skewed thinking by looking at anyone through our lens.

My friend was a nurse with her masters.
A teaching nurse.

Years ago she mentioned to me that one of the first things she was taught was NOT to look at the patient through yourself (your eyes ). Not useful to treating them. Or knowing and understanding them.

Learn about them and look at them through their lens as best as your are able.

For a variety of reasons, many are never taught to do this.

I must hear 5 times per day.

But Goldie. I would never do this or Goldie, I just can't understand how he can be so mean. How people can be do mean.

How about. Reading the list of traits which the N has and writing out a list of your own regarding traits he has and .,,,

viewing what HE does through HIS traits, not yours.

Please STOP saying ...

But I would never do this....

Or I can't understand......

This type of statement keeps you stuck and reliving your pain over and over and over and over.

These false belief thoughts and statements keep you perpetually stuck and victimized.

How about:

I totally get that this man has used me and lied to me and I choose not to allow him in my life anymore.

I allow space in my mind body and soul for loving honest people to approach me.

And so on ........

Xo
Goldie

http://www.lisaescott.com/blog/goldie

[email protected]

May 6 - 6AM
takingbabysteps
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Hitting home!

May 3 - 2PM
howardbeach123
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It is our choice isnt it? I

Apr 29 - 7AM
SECM1968
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Painful but useful

Apr 28 - 8PM
Goldie
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Xo

Apr 29 - 8AM (Reply to #23)
ItsFinallytime
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I totally get that this man

Jan 15 - 11AM
SavingMyself
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Amazing!

Jan 14 - 7PM
TruthbeginsToday
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Yes, this makes sense to me.. I recall this in group

Jan 14 - 8PM (Reply to #19)
ItsFinallytime
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Hi Truth. It's so good to see

Jan 24 - 1PM (Reply to #20)
TruthbeginsToday
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ItsFinallytime

Jan 14 - 7PM (Reply to #18)
Hunter
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Truth

Jan 13 - 12AM
Introspection
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Love this Goldie

Dec 19 - 1PM
Journey
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This is an excellent thread -

Journey on...

Dec 19 - 9AM
BlindNoMore
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I keep reading this over and

Dec 19 - 3AM
RiseAbove
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Right On Goldie

Dec 18 - 7PM
Willow
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This is simply excellent,

Jan 20 - 8PM (Reply to #12)
Mountainlady J
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Looking back, I feel like an idiot sometimes

Jan 14 - 7PM (Reply to #11)
TruthbeginsToday
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Yep... love this post

Dec 19 - 10AM (Reply to #10)
BlindNoMore
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Willow

Dec 18 - 5PM
thebigpayback
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as usual, right on. folks, if

Dec 18 - 4PM
Done sourcing
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This concept is key to

Dec 18 - 2PM
SavingMyself
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I'm slowly coming around

Dec 18 - 12PM
ItsFinallytime
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Goldie, thank you so much for this

Dec 18 - 5PM
Janie53
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Goldie

Dec 18 - 12PM
jjj1984
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Thanks goldie.This was

Dec 18 - 12PM
MyTurnToBeFree
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Yes!

Jan 17 - 7PM (Reply to #2)
fedup2013
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I only had this ephinany