Bella2013's Story

I met him on an online dating site six years ago almost to the day. He was gorgeous, charming, innocent looking. He said he just moved back from Seattle as he was there on mission work and was settling in back home. He had two children for two different women. He said he was in both their lives. I didn't mind. I was separated from my husband for over a month. It was an abusive relationship and I was not in love with him for a long time. We had 3 children together. I was with him since i was 17 and I never dated anyone else in over 9 years, so the prospect of Neil was very appealing. He said all the right things. We chatted everyday. I was falling in love and so was he. After a month of chatting, we met for the first time in his home town of Niagara Falls. It was magnetic when we first saw each other and locked lips. I was in heaven. I couldn't have been happier. He told me he was an ex soldier and fought in Afghanistan. That he killed many people and saw many of his brothers fall. He was a shiny hero! By the end of the date we have slept together. I was hooked. Within 2 weeks he moved into my home in Toronto. It all happened so fast. I felt it was wrong. My family lost their minds. But I was in love. Neil and I partied every night. I was not much of a drinker, but he took me out of my shell. He was great with my kids. I justified everything in my head. But looking back now, I must have lost my bloody mind. He didn't work. I did. Not long after did I notice strange porn sites in my history. Not the average porn, but bestiality. I confronted him, he denied it, and said it was a virus. Not knowing anything about computers I believed him. The drinking was getting out of control by the 3rd month in. But I was having a riot! My kids had a male role model who loved to play with them. He was very attentive! I have already met his parents by this time, and been to a couple family functions. I also met his sister which he was not close to. His sister and I grew close, she warned me about her brother. That he has lots of problems, and I should stay away. I didn't listen. By the 6th month, my family had disowned me. We started calling each other names, and throwing around the break up card. We got into a huge fight,I kicked him out. I threw away his things. 2 weeks he contacted me. Said he missed me, and I also missed him. He said if we were to work out, that I had to move from Toronto to 200km away to the town he was living in. Within 1 month we moved. Back to happy times. More drinking, more partying, now there was violence! He started to slap me, I fought back each time. He said he wanted to beat the ghetto out of me. He didn't want me to be me anymore. He convinced me that my family was out to control me. That they did not love me. By the 9th month I was pregnant with his child. We got into a huge argument. He slapped me, choked me and knocked me around. I charged him. He came crawling back a few weeks later- broken. Telling me he knows he was wrong, he was sorry. He needed me. Like an idiot I let him back. I was alone with three kids in a town i knew no one and pregnant. I knew by this time as well he had a drinking problem. I should add that when he was drunk, he would act out scenes from the apparent war he was in. Speed up a few months. We moved out to Niagara falls. His home town. His parents were amazing. Very accepting of my kids. I moved into the same building as his sister, in fact the apartment right below. She told me that he sexually assualted her as a child and raped her. They are both adopted. I confronted him. He denied it and was outraged. I spoke to his parents, and they said that it was role playing and his sister was twisting up the story. His drinking was completely out of hand by this time. I lived in fear. He would come to the house with a knife to his throat. During one of his drinking binges, I went for a walk with his dad. I asked him if the reason Dave drinks was because of what happened to him in Afghanistan? His dad looked shocked and laughed and said "Afghanistan?, he never left basic training camp in Oklahoma!" I died inside. I was 7 months pregnant and not only was I with an abusive alcoholic, but also a pathological liar. I confronted him about the story, and he straight out denied it. He said it was a top secret mission and I had no right confronting his parents with this information. Life from then on was mixed with extremes. We can go weeks, and i have my bestfriend, lover everything in one. Then out of the blue the monster would appear. I got better with computers. I found a whole lot of porn on my computer. I gave demands: either he get help for his alcoholism and porn or he gets out. He attended day treatment of alcoholism. That was 4 years ago. Since then he has been in and out the psych ward, at least 8 times. He has been in and out of treatment centres. We broke up at least 50 times. And 6 years later he has finally confessed to all his lies, cheating, bisexuality, and apparently now he is a rap victim. I am sick and bloody disgusted in myself for allowing this creep into my heart. The messed up part is that he occupies my mind all the time. I never know when he will just pop up out of the blue. He is now the poster child for AA! Two weeks ago he stood in my house, banged his head against my wall 4 times and put a knife to his throat all because I had enough. This is my hell. As of yesterday he emailed me thanking me for being there for him. I need out of this hell, but every where I turn there he stands.....