My Story

Hey guys, I'm a newbie, and am struggling with my Narc and setting the NC boundary. It's been a saving grace finding this website, I've been on here everyday and feeling more empowered everyday from the strong, courageous women on this forum.

This is my story.

I was in year 10 when i started liking the N. I was drawn to his confidence and presence, and mostly how sure he was of himself. He was in the year above me and we had a little connection in the school band. He was the singer - of course, he had to be out the front and showing off.

Nothing ended up happening with the N at that time and I went out with another boy from band who was sweet, caring and actually had a heart.
This NORMAL relationship lasted 18 months, until things started to go bad because the N came swooping back into my life when I was 17. When i was MOST vulnerable in relationship, he comes in to support me and is my 'shoulder to cry on'.
RED FLAG #1.
The N and my ex were best friends too. What kind of person steals their best friends girlfriend anyway?

I wanted to give myself and my ex some time to recover before going out with the Narc, but he pushed my boundaries and showered me with flowers, chocolates, coffee dates and apparent 'love' that I gave in, and we were official.
RED FLAG #2

Anyway, things were going great, he was charming, sensitive, loveable and wonderful. How could I be so blind?

Things started going downhill a few months later when I had my final school exams in year 12. He was yelling at me because I couldn't see him everyday as I was busy studying, 'Why can't you spend even ******* 5 minutes with me'. I thought he was just extra needy. Little did i know that he wasn't wanting to see me to care about me, he just needed his NS.
RED FLAG #3

It kept going downhill, as he wanted to move on with our relationship.
He started pushing my sexual boundaries
He started yelling and screaming at me more
He started becoming jealous if I would do something for myself or with friends
He didn't take no for an answer because it wasn't what he wanted
He lied about EVERYTHING\
He controlled my time with friends/family
He was forcing me to say yes to moving out and staying at his place
I found sexually suggestive Facebook conversations with multiple OW
He called multiple OW beautiful, inappropriately touching them
He has drinking problems, has no job, is failing at uni, can't drive
He called me jealous, controlling, manipulative, horrible names (Projection much!)
RED FLAGS x100.
Every time he would do all these things I just denied and forgave him because I couldn't live without him as my drug. Any time I pulled away, he just laid on the charm and hooked me again and again.

He had ruined my self esteem, my self worth, my identity, boundaries. I was and am a shell.
I've recently started going to therapy because of my anxiety/panic attacks and with therapy I became more assertive.
I realised that the N was emotionally and verbally abusing me. He is vermin.
Now, I see that I AM NOT the sick person he made me out to be. I have the power to be free.

I am on a break with him at the moment, i just need to gather the strength to break it off with him once and for all, and establish NC.

I can't wait to be free, after 20 months of hell.

From Sami.