I want to stop being a coward

Here I am again, crying, drinking myself to sleep, wishing all this pain and emptiness could just go away. I don't want to feel anymore, I don' t want to love you anymore. It just hurts too much. And still I don't know where to get the strength to let you go. I hate myself for allowing you to walk all over me. I have given you everything I have, my love, my body, my time, my money, my effort, and nothing is enough.
I am still not good enough to meet your friends or your family, I am not good enough to have a place in your future. I am not good enough to deserve your respect.
Your STs hurt me beyond words, and here I am on the verge of another one wishing you forgive me and let me try, for a hundredth time to make you happy, regardless of how empty and used that will make me feel.
I wish I were brave and not such a coward. I wish I weren't terrified of being alone so that I could put a stop to your abuse. Your constant whining, how everything was so amazing in your life before, how your ex-girlfriends were rich and super beautiful and how you think there are so many things I have to change about myself to make you happy. I'm done, really done. I'm tired of believing you. Sure, I am not perfect, but I am in no way this flawed human being who deserves to feel blessed because you are with her.