How to get out

Hi there, I am a newbie here...and nervous, scared, but so glad to have found this site! I have read the book, and everything becomes so clear. It feels like a giant weight was lifted but my gut still hurts like hell. Been married for 15 years, together for almost 21, 2 children. And how it hurts to say this, it's the truth...I have been living on a horrific roller coaster all these years. I always knew something wasn't right...something missing...couldn't put my finger on it. But life was so busy raising kids, working full time in a factory and a personal trainer on the side. I just ignored and buried all the 'bad stuff' I was a super strong person on the inside, and of-course my brain now is like play-dough to him. 6 years ago all of a sudden I became disabled with excruciating neck pain and they found my neck was severely degenerated for no apparent reason, diagnosed as cervical spondylosis. I was extremely physically fit. It just all appeared so quickly after having 3 umbilical hernia operations and time off from the gym...had a fluoroscopic cortisone injection into my neck which made everything much worse and had to apply for permanent disability. My world was turned upsidedown Then my low back started to degenerate and my hip. I had surgery in march to repair the cartilage and degenerative tear, but it failed. Now I suffer from extreme low and lumbar back pain as well as my neck and my hip. Just waiting on confirmed diagnosis of ankylosing spondylitis. So I became depressed, and physically unable to cope...and then things got real bad for me. No emotional support, no extra help, his schedule remains the same...works full time works out everyday and for absolutely NO reason will he miss it. Its the ego thing...he is super strong and gets all that needed attention at the gym. I have been hospitalized for breakdowns due to his blaming and head games...but he still has to go the gym. wouldn't even leave work. The best part about this site, is not having to explain the no emotions and the head games, blaming ego stuff cause right here everyone knows what its like...and that's huge. I could tell a million stories of the cold hearted and cruel things he has done, plus all the so called loving wonderful things he has done if I threaten to leave. And nobody would be surprised. I have no one cause he gets them all to believe I am the crazy one with all the pain meds...depression...etc. Now I've told him its for good this time...(last Saturday) and he just says "ya cause we BOTH have changed so much! So he's just changed the game plan to agreeing with me that its best...When I know that he is trying to break me into begging for him! But no more I can't. Its so hard to keep it all together. I think he loves to see my cry cause he knows he's winning...and of course will sit in the same room and just play on his phone or watch TV like nothing is happening. I just don't know what to do next...I don't want him to start acting nice and playing the good guy to me while we are still in the same house. He told me he is not leaving the house and its very difficult for me to go, cause i really have nowhere to go and all of my disability necessities are here along with all the kids stuff. He knows I have no money to leave. He has agreed to be civil, but i really just can't stand being here with him. I am home all day alone and my kids are in school and he is home around 4:30-5:30... whenever he chooses to arrive after his workout! I am unable most days to cook supper for me and the kids but as long as he gets what he wants out of his day first. I just wondered if anyone had any advice on how to get through this stage of getting out. I told him i want the house put up for sale as soon as Christmas is over. He has made it wonderful for me to be stuck here...as there are repairs and physical things to be fixed and done in the house he knows i cannot do and can't afford to hire out. I have had hip problems going on 2 years now and we live in a 2 storey house that is not suited for my needs any longer as I cannot hardly do the stairs...and we've argued over it for that long...but he won't budge on it. Cause he doesn't want to move!! Nice. again no emotion for me at all...So i just need to get through this transition. I just don't know what to do...The book really helped try to desensitize from him and i think it worked...i couldn't stand it if he tried to even hug me at this point. He is pretty much in silent treatment mode anyways but his presence just makes me uncomfortable. Then he turns into super daddy all of a sudden and wants to do all kinds of physical activities with our kids that he knows i cannot do! But the kids see it cause he does nothing with them and they never want to go anywhere with him...unless of course its something they love to do which obviously he will find just to stick a knife in my back! So anybody just help me...anything