the third time being broken up with by the same narcassist.

this is the third time that my narcissist ex boyfriend joe broke up with me. whats worse is he did it over facebook, while i was at work. the second time we broke up he came to my house unexpected took his stuff back and when i was hugging him begging him not to leave he threatened to call the cops on me and pulled me off of him. I was destroyed absolutely destroyed. he always nagged me and criticized me for the smallest things. i would drop something and he would say "life with your legs not with your back, how could this have been avoided?" and when i would beg him to please stop nagging me he would give me a horrible response like "okay so then i wont give a shit what you do then, I just wont care about you" and i said there is a difference between caring about me and just criticizing me just to criticize. let me mind you, he is 20 years old, an only child and his parents do whatever he wants. he dosent even have his own debit card he carries his moms debit card in his wallet with him and when i told him to go get his own he said that's something i have to sit down with my parents and talk about.. at 20 years old! meanwhile here i am 18 paying my bills, bought my own car, putting myself through college, working like crazy. and hes so dependent. i coulden't even get him to stick up for me to his parents. his mother had blocked my number and refused to unblock it and was always so nosy with me and joe that i begged him to stick up for me in front of her and i begged him to have her unblock my number. and when i confronted her she said "well you are a distraction to joes college and were paying good money for it so until college is over this semester, your numbers staying blocked" and i would tell him joe please stick up for me this isn't fair, she woulden't even want me over his house but yet my mom was nice enough to let him over even after he pulled his shit on me. he told his friends that the only reason he came back this time was to use me for sex. he also said he can never have children with me because im not genetically fit for him.. hes also cheap for my birthday my mom knew he was low on cash (which is a surprise because hes spoiled and uses his moms money) so she lent him 40 dollars to take me out on my birthday. he said 20.0 is enough to take her out and my moms like no..joe it isnt here is 40.00 pay me back when you can. so he kept reassuring her he is going to pay her back. so my birthday comes along, I wind up getting a 5.00 necklace and earring set which one of the gems fell out of the earring, and we wound up going out to dinner with both of his parents which made me more anxious because they had a problem and thought i wasent good enough for their son. his moms birthday is the same day as mine thats why we all went out. but i didnt want to go with his parents because they didnt like me. and the only reason why my mom gave him the 40.00 is because i was cooking all day for my bake sale the following Saturday (which he came with and controlled and was mean to me the whole time and decorated and yelled at me for eating a bagel and told me to go somewhere else" he even made me go out and get multiple things while he ran my bake sale.. and she wanted him to take me out for my birthday alone.. he wound up keeping the money for himself and never paying my mom back. the appreciation was also a huge factor. he never appreciated me for anything i would cook dinner for him, have sex with him all the time, be mushy and lovey and he would just be emotionless with me. some days hed me happy others not so emotional and it would scare me because i would think hes going to break up with me ahain. and nothing was ever joes fauly. i would sit for hours voicing what i needed fro him and communicatiing and saying that i felt so isolated and depressed because i wasent recieving enougn attention from him. and all he would say after i sent paragraphs of messages from me voicing what i needed, "kellie the reason for break up is tiredness let it go," or hed say, "well really the problem is, the freakouts. calm down and talk with emotion of hope rather then emotion of anger" and id say joe this isnt about me you arent meeting my needs i love you and im scared and afraid you dont love me. I shoulden't have to feel like im not loved by you I should have enough confidence in our relationship to be okay and happy not so worried and isolated. anbd he would read my messages and never answer. the first time around when we broke up he said that the only reason why he kepy me around is because I was a good maid because I cooked and cleaned and did everything. and every time we would have sex he would always ask me to get him a drink or food after, because he was too tired. meanwhile he never offered or got me a drink.. we never went out to dinner or anything because he was too cheap to take me so he said lets buy food from pathmark and make it. I would change and fix myself and i still blame myself that im the reason the relationship ended and he was fine and its all me. this is the third time we broke up and im so upset. i thought considering it was the 3rd time it would feel better but it dosent. and now im afraid that hell change and fall in love with someone and ill be miserable knowing the girl is happy and dosent see these sides of him that put me through this nightmare. I feel so degraded and sigusted in myself that i feel like i failed the relationship and myself. and once I was tickling him because we had a rough day and i was being happy and sweet and he tapped me across the face and said stop it. and i was in such shock that he did that to me, that when he tried to be affectionate an hour later i said no you hit me and he said "I didnt realize how hard i hit you relax"..and now that people are confronting him on his actions hes lying and turning it on me saying unless you can give me a date a time and names everything is a rumor that's not true. so even now he wont take the blame. it hurts me so bad can somebody please help me get through this, i hope he dosent change and he can be miserable.. I know its horrible but im so brainwashed by his abuse i dont know who i am. even his friends said they all know its him and they are sick of him and they said he has narcissistic personality disorder. hes also very socially awkward so they said hes socially unstable. i brought it up to his mom that he could be a narcissist and she said im starting to see it too..im so alone and i miss him so much and i feel like i fucked everything up and it wasent him it was me. even with everyones support im upset and i feel like he isnt. this is a horrible nightmare. i told him that if he were to ever marry me wold he get me a diamond? and he said no hell never give me luxuries hell only give me things i need to survive. he also made me cry on my high school graduation because he said he was tired and needed a "break" and he said graduating is a luxury not a priority. i stayed home for days,missed my friends graduation parties, and didnt even care i graduated. hes also very spoiled around his friends if he dosent get his way hel get mad or ignore everyone. this one time we were all at apple bees, me joe and a few friends and my friend krissy wanted to order mozzarella sticks and joe said "lets go to pathmark ill buy them, cook them, and ill bring them back so we save money" and everyone looked at him like what the fuck?.. someone please help..im sorry this is so long.