BlindNoMore's Story

I'm ashamed to admit my story, because I am a married woman who had an affair with a narc (psychopath, actually). So I guess I kind of feel like I had it coming, karma getting me back and all. Please don't judge. I regret my mistake. My relationship with my N started out innocently enough, I was his client and friend for a year before we crossed the line. Almost exactly a year ago (the day after Thanksgiving last year, actually) we kissed for the first time, and the rest is history. A couple months later we were into a full blown affair, sleeping with him at least once a week. I had doubts that there were other women in his life (he works in a profession where 95% of his clients are women, and has a lot of "fans".) I asked him about it repeatedly, but he always denied it. He told me I was the only woman he'd ever truly been in love with (despite having had been married previously), was special and different than other women, so sweet and adorable, feminine, most beautiful girl he'd ever seen in his life, his soulmate, best friend, future wife, baby doll. I bought it all, because we had been friends first and I thought I knew him and could take him at face value. Boy was I wrong, liar! He always had an answer for every time I'd suspect other women. And my brainwashing made me believe what in my gut I knew not to be true. He would always tell me "I don't lie", "I'm the worst liar", "I'm the most honest person you'll ever meet". And when I'd question him too much he'd yell "Do you know how many girls throw themselves at me and I turn them all down because you have my heart. My heart is in your hands, my beautiful soulmate. I would never hurt you or lie to you. Never!" And then I would back down and feel bad for questioning this honest man who loved me and "would change his whole life for me and love my kids like his own if I ever got divorced". Well, the shit hit the fan in Oct. when one day I went over his house and was met in the driveway by a woman who was hysterical and crying, saying he was cheating on her. He claimed she was a crazy stalker, and at first I believed it. But she showed me texts, private pics, and FB messages from him claiming the same things he'd been telling me! I was sick to my stomach. Like a fool, when he told me he'd prove somehow that all the texts, pictures, FB messages that came from his number/acct that she showed me (evidence in front of my face!) were hacked! Said he was getting a new phone, felt violated, would get to the bottom of it. Well, whenever I asked for updates on the hacking investigation (what a joke!) he'd say I was stressing him and he'd let me know when he knew and to quit asking. And he'd rage (he's on steroids, also) at me saying he'd never touched another woman since our fist kiss and how dare I think such a thing about HIM, he'd never hurt me, etc. So I would back down because he'd also threaten to block me out of his life if I didn't quit "causing him stress". Well, fast forward six weeks (still no answers on the supposed phone hacking, btw Lol), and I get a friend request on FB from the one woman (not the one in the driveway I'd never met before) I had always suspected him to have a relationship with. She proceeded to message me about why did I call him baby on a FB post? She said they'd been together a while, he was the love of her life, and was devastated when she saw it. (Btw, he later deleted the post altogether). I told her I didn't want to discuss on FB, we needed to make other arrangements. She then sent me her phone number and I panicked. I panicked because I had seen his rage and he had threatened me before if anyone ever made his life hard he would make their's even harder. So before responding to her, I made the mistake of texting him (he was out of town for work) and telling him what she said. He said that if I called her he would never speak to me again, she was crazy, he was going to kick her to the curb as a client, don't get her going, she's delusional, etc. Well, she messages me "which is it, youve been with him, or not?". Out of fear of him telling my family and making my life hard as he threatened, I responded to her that I couldn't discuss it with her at this time, sorry. She then blocked me. My guess is he told her the same exact thing about me, that I was a crazy stalker, too. Just like the girl crying in his driveway saying she'd been kept a secret for two years (because he said she was "too insecure", she said) with proof in the form of texts, personal pics, etc. Yeah, he tells all his women the others are just crazy stalkers. So finally, a week ago he tells me that he has to start living right (no more married woman, although I told him I was ready to file for divorce to be with him, and although it never bothered him one time in the last year until his harem was getting wise to him) and correct his wrongs. Yeah, he just had an epiphany and his morals kicked in all of a sudden, I guess! So basically, he has told me that maybe someday if it's meant to be we can try again, he adores me, but the time isn't right. Says he needs time to focus on his career, daughter, and ailing mother right now. Still not admitting to the other two women who BOTH told me that he was their man. No, they're both lying, how dare I question him! In my desperation/addiction I told him if he'd just confess I'd even forgive him. He just got more rageful and said how could I think he'd ever hurt me, or be promiscuous? Ha! So last contact was Monday via text. I asked how he was (needed a hit of my toxic drug). He said ok, but someone sent him a copy of my FB post where I was stating people should mean what they say, say what they mean, how people disappoint you but you learn who your real friends are, etc. I never mentioned details about him. But obviously he had told his buddies something because they were sending him my post. He claims he mentioned our business to no one, but obviously I don't believe that. I later thought better and deleted it, but too late. (he blocked me after I unfriended him, so he can't see my page, but he has friends that can, that's why they had to send it to him). Well guess what? The client that he was not attracted to, was too muscular and unfeminine, that he was going to kick out of his life altogether is still in the picture. He then said to lose his number, and have a good life. I
then said "gladly. You and you know who live happily ever after!" he then replies that he made it clear she is not a part of his life, but none of my business anyway. I then said "fucking liar!" he said I was immature. I then called him a womanizing coward, he called me an adulterating whore, and said he was blocking me. Well, guess what? you can't block imessages, only reg texts. so I said I was sorry (stupid, right?) that I didn't want to end it like that. I wished him all the best. Then send a flattering pic of myself and said I could never hate you, N. He responded i could never hate you either. I said how about we cool down and see if we can be friends in the future, ok? He said yes. I said goodnight, N handsome. He said sweet dreams beautiful. And that was where we left it Monday night. I know he wants me to go away. He never loved me. it's hard to take. I wonder how long this would have continued had the other women not confronted me? And the one that FB messaged me probably still believes his lies. I don't know. And I know I shouldnt care. I want to tell the others what he really is, but I risk his revenge and telling my family and wrecking my life (which now that I see the light I want to make it work with my husband who never deserved this). So I know I can't. It's just hard knowing he's likely telling others I'm the crazy stalker like he told me the others were and they may actually believe it. And nothing I can do about it for fear of him getting me back. And hurts I believed his sweet lies, but he was a fake person that everyone else thinks is this awesome, amazing, man. If they only knew! But even though I don't believe he will contact me again, if he ever does I am resolving to remain no contact. Let the healing begin. Thanks for reading.