Moving on...trying to date post N

We broke up in Dec 2012 after 2.5 years together and a broken engagement. He was like a bottomless bucket of neediness and I just couldn't be perfect enough, or available enough for him. We still hung out during the holidays, and saw each other occasionally in Jan. Then, the afternoon that I had to put my dog down, he told me we needed to go silent. Turns out he had quickly procured NS - hot and heavy love bombing and trips right away! My final contact with him was in mid-Feb. I didn't yet know about NPD, but wasn't about to chase a man that could so easily discard me and my kids.

I was still suffering and in a lot of physical pain. You just feel so "broken" after being thrown away. I went to therapy, took meds, tried everything to get past the immediate trauma. At almost 10 months NC (and after I found this site, I changed my number just to be safe), I recently met someone... he's a really nice guy. I met a few of his friends, he's open, has a child about the same age as mine. No red flags yet :)

But DAMN, I can't shake this feeing of being broken!! I was never insecure before, always fairly confident around new people, men and women. No problem connecting and communicating with others when my heart is not on the line, but this is new territory for me... dating post-narc.

The experience changed me in good ways - I am more cautious, less trusting, I listen to my intuition, and I'm more aware of FOO issues (both parents are completely self-centered, and dad is an asshole). But I don't like these changes - more insecure around a guy that I like, being really scared to let down the walls, feeling terrified of getting hurt again. I don't want to go through life afraid to be in another relationship. This one is going to go really s l o w. I'm just so scared.

And I'm super pissed off that the POS XN had the residual effect of damaging me like this. Can anyone please tell me that it gets better eventually? Any magic mantra I can tell myself when I'm around new guy that can silence the noise in my head? It's like I can't get out of my own damn way.

This site is a life saver and I so appreciate your advice.