Changing Seasons/Holidays

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#1 Dec 3 - 10PM
SF
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Changing Seasons/Holidays

I had been dreading Thanksgiving and missing his sisters and their families.The day came, and I realized how relaxing it was not to have to worry about whether his kids were happy at my family's gathering, whether my family would be comfortable sharing their family time with him and his kids, whether I'd have time to visit before we had to rush off to get to his sister's house for the 7 hours we spent there compared to the two hours spent at my family's.
Turns out, we had the best family time in a long time. My grandmother (91) joined us for the first time, because I could take time to go pick her up for once. Relaxed, no bored, aloof teens just waiting to leave.
Spent the rest of the night with a girlfriend who had no family around to celebrate with. We drank wine and watched silly Christmas movies. The best end to a great day.
He may have been celebrating with OW, or not, I don't know. I don't care. I was content. I breathed deeply, smiled, laughed, played games, and enjoyed my day.

He proposed last Christmas morning. The first thing he said after I accepted was, "This changes everything, right?" Meaning, it changed ME. It would make me behave the way he had wanted. I'd stop being insecure, I'd do what he wanted, I'd be his. This ring was my reward. He had made that clear on my birthday in September when he drove me home from a weekend getaway just hours after getting there, because he didn't like something I had said. It was then that he announced, "I was going to propose this weekend, but you Ruined it!" I didn't behave the way he wanted, and therefore, I didn't deserve the proposal?? The months between that and Christmas,I had begun to reclaim my space, my time, my life. I spent less time at his house, and spent more time with my own kids doing just what we wanted without accommodating and planning around him and his kids.

I told his sister just a week before Christmas that if he didn't propose, I was not going to stick around to put up with his shit any more. If there was no commitment from him, there was no reason for me to continue to work at fixing what was wrong with us. She totally understood and expressed her own frustration with his lack of communication and self-absorbed nature.

This Christmas:
Will I miss having to bribe him with food and drinks to go shopping with me?
Will I miss having to spend all my money buying my family, his family, and him gifts, while he complains that he just can't afford gifts for anyone?
Will I miss dividing my time between my family and friends and his?
Will I miss his drinking, depression, and self-loathing?
Will I miss carrying the impossible burden of making this a joyous time for us all, while wearing myself out?

Nah...
We have already packed shoe boxes with Christmas gifts for orphans in Haiti.
I have already cut down and decorated a tree with a friend and my children.
I have already bought small gifts for my kids, my friends, and my family.
I have a plan to give a small token of appreciation each day of December to people who have been especially supportive, kind, and helpful to me and my children.
And I am amusing myself with the thought that instead of building a snowman with the first big snowfall, I may just build the letters "F U" along one edge of my yard as a special parting gift for the assh*#! next door:)
(I won't really do it, but it makes me giggle to imagine the kinds of things I could build out of snow.) One friend suggested I post a sign stating, "The neighbors all voted. You're off the island." facing the XNs house. Makes me smile.
Happy holidays to us all:)

Dec 4 - 12PM
Abigail
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LOL! and...

Dec 4 - 12PM (Reply to #4)
SF
SF's picture

So glad

Dec 4 - 10AM
spinning
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Good good good good for you SF

spinning

Dec 4 - 12PM (Reply to #2)
SF
SF's picture

Thank you (not) spinning!