HEATHER F Story

Just found this site, and its freaking amazing! THANK YOU doesn't even begin to cover how I feel reading through things.

I do have a question for others though. While I am not new to the abuse of a NP, I am definitely new to trying to understand that his issues extend well beyond just being an abusive drunk.

We have been divorced 10.5 years. Yes I count, and yes I celebrate our divorce-a-versary every loving year like mardigras! I know, horrible of me, aye? ;-)

We have two teenage daughters together, and OMFG he is everything described in the NP parent personality. And as you can imagine, he has never let go of the divorce or the fact that I walked out and never looked back. My therapist still tells me to this day that even after all this time, he fully expects that I will see the error of my ways in leaving such a perfect specimen of a man, and I'll come crawling back to him. I damn near puked the first time I heard that.

Same old story - he is a raging drunk, anger issues, abuser in all forms, and a cheater. I finally left, and my children and I have been paying dearly ever since. He uses them constantly to get what he wants. And he 'gets even' if I don't respond or comply. I have the actual texts and voicemails as proof that he actually does say this.

He badmouths me to everyone who will listen, and his favorite words for me are "devil" and "witch". Yes, he says this to my children also and has for years. And yes, he is always questioning them about me and my life like they're on the stand in a court room. I refuse to engage him at all and even with regard to the kids now (they're 13 and 14) I largely don't communicate with him. And if I have to, it is usually through a third party and in writing so I don't have to deal directly with him and he can't deny anything. He HATES this tactic. He even sent me a picture of a witch on a broom one day a few months ago and the message said "Why don't you just get on it and fly far away?!" YA. And this was completely out of the blue, as we hadn't had any contact whatsoever for a good 8 weeks...so there was nothing that immediately preceeded it to have him send that text.

He especially badmouths me to every new 'woman' that gives him the time of day. To the point that, as you know, they will not have anything to do with me, deny me as the girls mother and badmouth me also. So here is my question.
The new whore he is with - and I do not use that term lightly, she truly is a whore and I believe a narcissist just like him - is the same one who was the last straw in our marriage and made me finally file for divorce...she was screwing my husband and she knew it. Now, 12 years later, they're suddenly together since April of this year', she's knocked up (they will both now have 4 children with 3 different other parents LOL, but he has always called ME the whore?!)

Anywho, he actually GAVE her my number a few months back and she contacted me. She's out driving around with my kids, on MY PLACEMENT DAYS instead of them being with me because he wouldn't do the exchange per the court order, and she texted me to tell me she 'didn't mean to piss you off"...UH HUH. He has never allowed ANY of this prior 'women' any contact with me, and even has threatened his family since our divorce not to have any contact with me. So why now, and why this one? Just to rub this whole thing in my face, since she IS, in his mind, the reason we divorced and now he's with her and my kids have to be there with her? Just trying to wrap my mind around his latest games so I can continue to cope through therapy, educating myself and no contact with him, lol. Just when I feel like I have the hang of this, BAM! out of nowhere I'm hit again, and not always with the same old bs.

He also forces my oldest daughter to put some GPS app on her phone that he pays for...she has taken it off in the past and he literally throws a tantrum and screams at her until she puts it back on there. I know he only does it to track my every move, since he is still always badgering them for information about me, what I'm doing, my work schedule, where I work, who I know, who I might be dating, etc etc. To the point that, I live in a town...actually right across from a funeral home, so people are always parked in front of my house. He is ALWAYS drilling the girls about who's cars are in front of my house...um, no idea?! But then gets irate whenever they say "I don't know" to any question he asks.

He has never been remarried, and actually told this last one he didn't want anymore kids and would never marry her...she came up pregnant in August, and he up and moved in with her and uprooted the girls all within a few weeks time. When he saw the man I've been seeing for about a year for the first time, he was even with his new 'girlfriend' and said the our girls "why is your moms boyfriend staring at me?!?" He wasn't....and my daughter said "He's not, he's looking at mom! And why are you staring over there anyways?!" LOL.

Any advice from others who are trying to raise children divorced from a narc since we legally can't just go off the grid or practice the full no contact? I've been told by my therapist that most of these narcs never truly go away...no matter what we do. I'm looking for some more hope than that here...

Thank you so much to anyone who sat through this dissertation ;-)

-H