Out of the Darkness and Thankful

It has been a while since I posted. I must say the 12 week group with Goldie is amazing and life changing. Thank you.

When I found this site and all of you I was in complete darkness, at my lowest. Like most of us when we land here. Over the past few moths I have read and read and read, I have worked the steps, had a one on one with Goldie and did the 12 week group. It has forever changed my life.

Weather you just found this site or are farther in your recovery I commend you. NC in the beginning seems impossible but it is truly a gift. Each day brings you closer to who you are meant to be and always were. The true and authentic you. Each day you will grow stronger and see things clearer. Once you accept the Narc's disorder the CD will begin to dissipate.

The rose colored glasses fall off and you will forever be changed. Never seeing people or life in the same way you did before. You made it out of the web alive! Maybe at the point that you are barely breathing but you will breathe again. Strong breathes. Ones full of life. No more magical thinking because you realize that you can not live that lie anymore. You can not lie to yourself.

The Narc they never change, can't be fixed, healed or loved to become normal. They just are not capable. And even if they come back and hoover you will see it clearly. Yes they all come back at some point. And everyone on here was right, it is NOT a compliment! They do not love you or miss you, they say everything to suck you back in.

Last week was my birthday and the Narc appeared. I chose to break NC because I wanted to say my peace. This was my gift to myself. My closure because we never get it form them. And I feel great! No Pain this time. But this was my validation. Not from him but from myself. That I am strong, that I am on my way, that I am making it and taking my life back. That he truly is disordered and a soulless vampire. Actions speak louder then words, how true. Look at their actions and see they never change. Only you can change, take your power back be in control of your own life of your own happiness.

So I am thankful for this site, all of you and yes for the Narc for teaching me who I am and not to live in the magical thinking. That I can not be destroyed so easily. And so my prayer for all of you is that you find your way out. Take your time. Work the steps, listen to the Mods, read all the blogs and as painful as the truth is ( I sure as hell know it is unbearable at times) let it sink in. Accept it and grow. Be the incredible you that you were always meant to be.

My love and healing light to all of you.

Happy Thanksgiving!
xxooo