My year and a half with a Narcissist

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#1 Nov 22 - 10AM
bssavino
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My year and a half with a Narcissist

I met WL on craigslist in January of 2012. It was really slow at my job and I was just looking for a email buddy to help pass the time. After emailing back and forth for two month, we made phone contact in March and he suggested we go see a movie. I didn't think going to a movie was good for a first meeting. Instead we met for lunch and it wasn't love at first sight at all but I enjoyed the time we spent together that day.

We continued seeing each other in a platonic mode; emailing and texting more than talking on the phone. On July 22nd, he was celebrating his 47th birthday. I took off the Friday before and bought food, wine and several gifts for him. He needed things for his house as he was going through his third divorce.

I don't know what it was about him, but I always wanted to give him things and be the best person I could be for him. In any case, we were intimate on that Friday and it was the best! He certainly knew how to rock my world. I asked him if he was being intimate with anyone else prior to sleeping with him. He assured me that he was a "one-woman man" and he was looking for an exclusive relationship.

Not too long after that he asked me to move in with him and I thought about it but decided to not RUSH things. I didn't want to ruin what seemed like a good thing.

As time went on it seemed like I was putting A LOT more effort in the relationship than he was. He emailed me and texted daily but rarely would pick up the phone to call me. If we made plans, I would be the one that had to suggest it. I also noticed he was super happy for me to buy him things - iPod docking stations, expensive sheets, pots, pans etc etc but he got me a pair of $10 earbuds for my birthday. I rationalized this all away due to the fact he was going through a divorce. I later found out he had over $500,000 in one of his bank accounts. I guess that's how he got all that $, by being a damn cheapskate.

Soooo there finally came a day when I told me that his lack of effort in the relationship was hurtful. He turned venomous and told me I was emotionally unstable, an alcoholic (in recovery since 2007), all I cared about was money etc. etc. it's what I refer to as character assassination. We didn't speak for a few days and it felt like someone was turning a knife in my gut. I ended up writing him an apology via email. I can usually express my feelings in written form better as I tend to become emotional in person.

We had three other outbursts like this and I also noticed that he was becoming more and more sarcastic patronizing towards me. He also said he felt rejected because I refused to move in with him. I THANK my God that I had the foresight not to do that. I'd be alone with no place to live at this point.

We had our last blow out in late August and again I ended up calling him to make up a few days later. On September 14th, I called him to try to get together for dinner and he told me he had company staying at his house and didn't feel comfortable leaving her alone. I asked him who she was and he stated she was a nurse he had gone out with in August while we weren't speaking. I asked him if he slept with her and he stated she wasn't interested in sex. He also went on to brag to me that she made over $100,000 and had all the toys while complaining that she was fat and controlling. WL works out two to three hours a day 5 days a week.

I called him the next day to see if we could set something the following week to meet since he said he still loved me and he was just helping this girl out. He then did a total about face, told me he was going to continue seeing this woman (We'll call her J). He said he never said he hadn't slept with her and went on to tell me that he had been sleeping with other women the entire time we were together and that I knew about? He went on to say it was okay because he practiced safe sex and he let them know he was in love with me. WTH!!!!!I told him that wasn't true and that I would have chosen to terminate the relationship if I had known. He never mentioned protection when we were together so I find it doubtful he did with others either.

I tried reaching him by phone only to find he changed his number. He and J are plastered all over FB and it hurts so bad. I feel totally duped and am pissed at this point. I want revenge! He lied to me and put me at risk. I just had my doctor run me for all sorts of STD's. I did end up going out and drinking and even called my sister to say I wanted to kill myself. I'm past that now -I'm in the mad stage and have signed up his email for every on-line newsletter and catalog imaginable. I know it's childish but I don't know how else to channel the anger.

I heard two good songs that remind me of the narcissist: Christina Perri's - Jar of Hearts and Goyte - Somebody I used to Know.

Nov 22 - 3PM
bssavino
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Thank You

Nov 22 - 1PM
spinning
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Ugh, bssavino, what

spinning

Nov 23 - 6AM (Reply to #2)
Heartbroken78
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Good post spinning :-)